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Determine Your Emotional Intelligence With A 10-Question Quiz

Forbes Coaches Council
POST WRITTEN BY
Rebecca Dickson

Everyone knows emotional pain. We’ve felt the deep sting that someone else’s words can bring. Often times, we’ve felt it both personally and professionally.

But do we take ownership of that pain? Usually only if we need to improve our emotional intelligence.

Most of the time, people are eager to blame someone else or a circumstance for their negative reactions. We spout off or snap back and immediately feel guilt or shame. And we’re tired of doing the hard work of figuring out why, so we assign blame for it and dump our baggage on someone else.

We think someone else caused our pain when, in reality, it's our reaction that actually caused or spiked it. We know we shouldn’t be so impacted by their words or actions, yet we can't seem to stop letting them get the best of us. Ouch.

Have you ever said something like the following?

• “They should know better.”

• “I’m her boss. That alone should be enough for her to respect me.”

• “What he said really peeved me off.”

• "It's her fault."

Most of us have, and yet true leaders have learned that this sort of blame-shifting does nothing in terms of making them more effective.

It’s time to stop wishing that someone else would change. Because the truth is that your happiness (and your response) doesn’t have a thing to do with someone else’s behavior. If you still think it does, then it’s time to evaluate your emotional intelligence.

Here's a 10-question quiz to help you determine your emotional intelligence. Answer each question with "always," "frequently," "sometimes," "rarely" or "never."

1. Do you easily become frustrated or angry with clients, friends or competition?

2. Do outsiders — employees, vendors, contractors — cause most of your daily frustration (making you an ineffective leader)?

3. Do you have a hard time describing your feelings further than simple descriptors like “happy,” “mad” or “stressed”?

4. Do you listen to others to understand them, instead of listening only to reply?

5. Do you see the actions of others as well-meaning, even if things go wrong?

6. Do you understand that people have different experiences than you, and those experiences can impact their emotions and actions?

7. Do you have control over your reactions and know how to filter your thoughts and emotions before you respond?

8. Are you constantly working toward seeing varying perspectives because understanding the behavior of others is important?

9. Are you great at multitasking, even when multiple to-dos need to be done simultaneously?

10. Do you adapt to change easily, even in unexpected circumstances?

We don’t need to do a whole lot of assessment of your responses to know where you stand: If you answered the first three questions with "always," "frequently" or "sometimes," you likely need to work on your emotional intelligence. If you answered questions four through 10 with "sometimes," "rarely" or "never," your leadership may also benefit from improved emotional intelligence.

Here’s a gentle, loving truth bomb: If you’re emotionally immature, you’re probably really good at placing blame on others. Likely, it’s because processing feelings or finding solutions is more difficult than you’d like it to be.

However, it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person or even that you’re doomed to be a bad leader. With internal work, it’s possible to stop reacting so negatively and start responding in a way that actually makes you a better leader.

First, start listening, because emotionally intelligent leaders look inward and ask themselves this question: "How can I stop allowing my emotions and actions to be controlled by others?"

The answer to that question is by increasing your emotional intelligence. No more dodging responsibility. No more losing focus. Both of those behaviors are signs that you’re functioning as an ineffective leader, and we know that’s a disservice to everyone you come in contact with.

Remember: You — and only you — are in control of your reactions and emotions. Once you realize that, you can begin to know yourself on a much deeper level. And then you can begin attracting the right audience for your business and impact them in the best ways.

If you want to know how to begin this work, check out my article on three steps to develop your emotional intelligence.

Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches. Do I qualify?