It was the summer of 2003. I had just quit my job, drained our savings and started a business in our basement a mere 11 days before our first child was born.
On this sunny afternoon, I was attending my first event as a business owner. It was one of those “speed” networking events where you were shuttled between tables of professionals, hoping to find someone who might need your product or service.
I met a lot of people that day and compared myself (negatively or positively) to every single one. I wondered, “Do they have a successful business? How much money do they make? Was anyone else in this room crazy enough to quit their stable job to start a business in their basement?”
This marked the start of my obsession with the success of other entrepreneurs. For the next 12 years, I was never satisfied with my achievements because someone had always done more.
Starting With Comparison
I believe comparison is the reason all overachievers work so hard. You might tell yourself that you’re putting in all the hours to become the best version of yourself possible. But that would be a lie.
The reason we work so hard is because we want to be the best, and the only way we can claim that title is by comparing our achievements to others'. Trust me, if one day you suddenly outdid everyone on the planet in every way, you’d come into work at 9:30 a.m., enjoy a two-hour lunch and take Fridays off every week. Comparison drives us more than anything else, and it’s been this way for a long time.
This truth was driven home many years ago while watching The Men Who Built America. John D. Rockefeller, J.P. Morgan and Andrew Carnegie were three of the wealthiest, most influential Americans of all time. Yet, they struggled to get much enjoyment from all their accomplishments because they were constantly comparing themselves to one another.
Comparison in the early 20th century was tricky. You had to go out of your way to figure out how others were doing. This is no longer the case. Today, we can compare ourselves to everyone we know in less than a minute by checking your LinkedIn, Twitter or Facebook account.
Downsides To Comparison
Everyone else seems to have the perfect job, family and life. No one ever shares their struggles finding new clients on LinkedIn, and I doubt you’ve seen a Facebook post from your neighbor about their terrible vacation. Just like Rockefeller, Morgan and Carnegie, no matter what we achieve, it’s never enough. Someone will always have a bigger company, more sales or a better beach picture.
All this comparison turns our lives into a constant win-lose struggle. Instead of co-workers, friends and family, we see adversaries at every turn. Instead of working together to solve problems, we keep the answers to ourselves, secretly hoping that we do better.
Our obsession with constant comparison rarely ends up making us feel better, and the end result of all this effort is a truckload of insecurity, stress and anxiety.
New Approach
It’s time to stop the madness. Here are a few tactics to get you started:
1. Get off social media. OK, maybe that’s a little drastic. But, instead of spending hours a day scrolling through an endless feed of nonsense, cut it down to 30 minutes. Not sure how to do it? I would start by deleting the apps off your phone. Force yourself to get to a laptop in order to get your fix.
2. Count your blessings. When I get a seriously stressed-out client in my office who assumes their life is spiraling out of control, we go through a simple exercise. I ask them to brainstorm a list of their accomplishments since they turned 18. Next, I challenge them to come up examples of complete failure from their past. This process inevitably ends with me pointing out that they have an impressive track record of success. So do you.
3. Praise others. Shortly after I started my business, one of my competitors wrote a monthly column for the local business journal. He got a ton of notoriety, and, even worse, his column was always great! For months, I was super jealous, until someone gave me a better idea. I decided to quit my complaining and send him an email each month pointing out specifically what I liked about his column. My envy nearly disappeared.
4. Give generously. It’s really hard to worry about how others are doing when you shift your focus toward helping others. Pick a local charitable organization, and make a commitment to give your time and money. You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel about yourself when it’s about others who are in real need.
Theodore Roosevelt was 100% correct when he pointed out that “comparison is the thief of joy.” Change a handful of practices’ and get back to enjoying your journey instead of obsessing over others’.
