Sexy HR: The Stuff My Mother Never Told Me

Some of my friends think I have one of the most fascinating jobs ever as the HR leader at a casino; gambling! free drinks! the-fresh-scent-of-crisp-dollar-bills! B-girls! Craps on demand!

Now I admit I totally have the best stories from my life living HR on steroids; the real-dealio that is definitely not for the faint of heart. Yet, let me point out, I also work in one of the most regulated industries imaginable; massive oversight from local jurisdictions, IRS, state gaming regulators, and auditors of every stripe. We make sure we account for every person that passes through our turnstiles and every penny that lands in our slot machines. We’re also damn good at that accounting stuff. I, personally, have never had to attest to and sign more stuff with name-rank-serial-number. We take this accountability seriously.

Not totally new to me of course; this is my second casino gig and my third in the gaming industry. My theory is that if I can ever manage to work for a liquor distributor and a cigarette company (I did interview with one back in the day) I’ll have all the major vices covered. Well…except for one.

I would still need to work in the sex industry to gain the HR hat trick. Bow chicka-wah-wah and all that. And, I’m telling you right now, I am incredibly curious about what that that day-to-day would entail. Because, of course, these people exist.

Playboy has a CHRO; her name is Kendice Briggs. (She started her HR career in banking just like me. I could have this job!). According to her LinkedIn profile she handles all the typical HR stuff like comp, benefits and recruitment.  She also, bless her heart, oversees payroll. I sure wish that when I get to work in a really sexy industry I get to put payroll where it belongs…in finance.

The HR leader at Adam & Eve (#1 Adult Toy Superstore) has been with the company since 2014; according to her LinkedIn profile she’s very good at employee relations, recruiting and HR policies. (note: what I wouldn’t give to read that employee policy manual….). As for the recruitment bit I dunno; they only accept faxed resumes or walk-in applicants (North Carolina y’all!) or encourage applicants to “Cut and Paste your resume in to the body of an email.”  That might work I guess; they probably want to discourage photos, selfies, and dudes sending their resumes wrapped in rolls of paper towel………

Empire Labs, “the worldwide leader in do-it-yourself penis casting kits,” does not have an HR leader. Then again, it appears they only have five employees. And these five employees, based on my internet sleuthing, all appear to be male and approximately 25 years old.  They’re too young to appreciate the need to have an HR lady on staff but they’ll learn.

A few months ago I hung out for the first of several times with the super cool HR Manager of three (not 1…3!!) strip clubs here in south Louisiana. If you’ve visited New Orleans and were in search of either a watered down/ridiculously expensive drink or a lap dance, chances are you wandered into one of her establishments. Oh hell y’all….you think my HR stories are good? She even made me blush.

Look…we all take for granted that hospitals, insurance companies and manufacturers have HR departments filled with soulless bureaucrats who process benefit enrollments, deal with employee relations issues and trot up-and-down the hallways in their nice-little-HR-suits.

But imagine running an HR department in the porn industry. What are those worker’s compensation renewal meetings like? Think about the annual strategic planning meeting at a dildo making company. What sort of 2018 budget dollars does one set aside for employee engagement activities? Are there regular planned team building activities after the crew shuts down the injection-molding machine for the day? What about compensation and pay structure? Piece meal for every plastic penis that rolls of the conveyor belt or is there base pay with some other sort of variable or incentive?

These are the things that keep me up at night.

Sexy HR. The sort my mother never told me about.