Self-esteem can be a bit of a buzz word in the world of personal development. Improving self-esteem has been popular self-help content for years now and many people still align happiness, wellbeing and success with high-self esteem. As it stands, however, psychologists are increasingly questioning the touted benefits of raising self-esteem.
Simply put self-esteem refers to how much we like ourselves. It’s a term used to describe our overall perceived self-worth and value. Individuals with high self-esteem will often appreciate and like themselves far more than an individual with low self-esteem. It’s not totally surprising then, that high-self esteem was - and still is by many - considered a litmus test for wellbeing. If we evaluate ourselves positively it’s probable that we’re going to think, feel and behave in a happier and healthier way than we would if we evaluated ourselves negatively.
The psychological benefits of high self-esteem have been given a lot of airtime within academic research and also within the mainstream press. Many schools have adopted programmes aimed at increasing self-esteem. A large scale programme in California - the California Task Force to Promote Self-Esteem - is probably the most notable. But raising self-esteem is actually incredibly difficult. It’s a pretty stable and enduring feature that most of us carry and is hard to shift because we are quite fixed when it comes to our own self-image. We find it really hard to get away from our predetermined definition and view we have of ourselves. Whether that be good or bad.
Kristin Neff - an infamous researcher in the field of self-compassion - suggests that trying to raise self-esteem can actually come with harmful costs. Increasing self-esteem through indiscriminate praise or affirmations can obscure areas for development, unproductive or unhealthy behaviors that need to be changed in and of themselves. Maintaining high self-esteem has also been associated with narcissism and superiority, bullying, prejudice, and an unrealistic view of ourselves. When we compare and evaluate ourselves in comparison to others it can also lead to us putting others down in order to feel better about ourselves, or even raising others up so we feel worse.
We may think that individuals with low self-esteem are actually the most vulnerable. However, interestingly, Neff explains how individuals with high self-esteem are also in a vulnerable position. Any failure may feel like a massive blow - she uses the example of a student getting a B instead of an A grade. Self-esteem can fluctuate a lot, especially if it’s based on success in particular areas of life - career, dating, how we parent etc. Self-esteem will get a kick when we do well in these areas but take a hit when we don’t, making it unstable and likely to affect our wellbeing.
This is a rollercoaster many of us are on. But what if we want to get off? Self-esteem is something we all seemingly have and it’s certainly not all bad. However, if it’s fairly fixed but we still want to feel better about ourselves, are our efforts better placed in boosting another self-concept? The answer is yes, possibly. That alternative self-concept is self-compassion. We’ll go on to look at exactly what that is in the next article and explore why it might be beneficial to increase our levels of self-compassion.
