You've most likely worked for someone who was constantly changing rules or decisions, even within a few hours' time. This type of boss can cause great chaos at work, especially when you've started a project that you're told a week later isn't what is needed after all. This is different than the company realizing that a project or goal doesn't meet an overall strategy. This is a concerted effort by a person in power to demonstrate that power by letting you know he can change things up at any time, or for any reason.
One of the reasons gaslighters/narcissists do this random changing of rules is to keep you off-kilter. You experience the "walking on eggshells" effect. You start laying low, not making any noise, because you don't want to set the gaslighter/narcissist off.
If the gaslighter/narcissist can make you feel like the rules could change any minute, they have you exactly where they want you. Nothing causes dependency quite as much as an authority changing rules at a whim.
The gaslighter/narcissist also knows to change rules and decisions at random times. You may go a few months without a decision-reversal; other times the rules change daily. This is done to add even more chaos to an already chaotic situation. The gaslighter/narcissist doesn't experience this chaos, however. He is the architect of it, so he feels a sense of mastery and control while he watches employees scurry.
The gaslighter/narcissist will also give different rules to different people. This can largely depend on if he sees you as a friend or foe that particular day. How do you know if you are a friend or foe? Some days it can be impossible to tell since the narcissist/gaslighter builds up and then devalues people so quickly. You may find in your workplace that there's an office "scapegoat" and "golden child" — one employee can do no right, and one employee can do no wrong. The scapegoat employee usually has rules changed more quickly, and consequences for not following these new rules are swift and severe. The golden child employee may have no rules given by the employer. They are able to do what they want when they want. It can be seen as a reward to the employee for being "loyal" to the narcissist/gaslighter.
How do you counter an employer that constantly changes rules and decisions, for seemingly no reason? First, look at the pattern of behavior. Is this something that has occurred fairly recently, or is it behavior that your employer has displayed seemingly as long as you have worked for him? If this is a fairly new behavior, it is possible that your employer has been pressured from higher up — he may have his own gaslighting boss to deal with. That's not to say that your employer isn't responsible for his behavior — he is 100 percent responsible for whatever changes or mandates he gives out.
Document the decisions, rules, and changes that have been dictated by your employer. Keep this information on a personal device, not one issued by the employer. If you leave the employer, you may be asked to immediately turn the device in. Keep a record of the date, time, and direct quotes from your employer. Bring this information with you if you consult an attorney.
If your employer walks up to your cubicle and tells you his requirements for a project have changed, ask him to put his instructions in a written format, such as in an email or workflow app. If your employer gives you an attitude for asking for instructions in writing, it's a good tip-off that their instructions are unreasonable or without merit. By asking for instructions in writing, you are protecting yourself from any reprimand you may receive if the employer tells you that they changed the instructions and you did not follow them. You can clearly point out the email sent to you on a particular date, detailing the instructions for the project.
Consult your employee manual for rules on reporting harassment, if your employer's behavior has reached that point. You can find out more on what constitutes harassment at the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Form a coalition of other coworkers who have experienced maltreatment by your employer. There tends to be safety and power in numbers.
The final option is to leave your job. While that is not fair, it can be the best way to extricate yourself from this emotionally draining situation. Consider the cost of this job not only on your emotional and physical health, but also on your personal relationships. We tend to take our work issues home with us. and we may have a short fuse with family members as a result. Consult with an attorney if you feel your employer may have violated labor laws.
