I’ve worked with many accomplished women leaders in my career and have made it a practice to study their behavior — what works and what doesn’t. I’ve used what I've learned as trial and error in my own career, which has worked quite well. Now, as an executive coach, I’m able to leverage my leadership knowledge and experience to support the growth and effectiveness of other women leaders. It’s a privilege.
Harvard Business Review recently published an article on research showing that women score higher than men in most leadership skills. Yet we continue to have a dearth of women in senior positions of power and authority. Many women seem to stall in middle management. It’s a problem that many are trying to solve. I believe the answer can be found in just two words: grit and grace. More specifically, it’s the synthesis of the two that can be the rocket fuel that accelerates women to the top.
According to Merriam-Webster, grit can be defined as "firmness of mind or spirit: unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger." The definitions of grace include ease of bearing and "disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency." Within the context of these definitions, think of a woman you respect as a leader. Does she have these traits? My guess is that the answer is a resounding “yes.”
Grit and grace, together, can be formidable for women in the leadership game. They provide women with their own road map to success that allows for bold leadership combined with warmth. If you think of the combination of grit and grace as a recipe, grit would be the cake. Grace would be the icing.
Grit is the foundation, so let’s begin there. How can women get grit? In her groundbreaking, best-selling book Grit, author and researcher Angela Duckworth describes grit as a combination of passion and perseverance for a singularly important goal. She points to grit as the reason why some people succeed and others fail. Necessary traits for developing grit include courage, tenacity, focus and mental toughness.
Grit also includes building resilience and confidence — two critical attributes for all successful leaders. Yet some research shows that many women under 40 may have a confidence gap compared to men. In their book The Confidence Code, Katty Kay and Claire Shipman make a compelling argument that the lack of confidence is the single biggest barrier to success for women in the workplace.
In my experience, both confidence and grit are developed by taking action one step at a time. They're cultivated and evolve when you get out of your comfort zone and push through. You learn from success or failure, and then you do it again and again.
You earn your grit, which brings you credibility and respect, and then you can find your grace. Grit is what you do. Grace is how you do it. It’s the paradoxical complement to grit. Grace is your approach, your style and the way you deal with people and situations. It’s much like executive presence, which can be an enigma. We can’t quite explain it, but we know it when we see it.
So what does grace look like? It’s the woman who commands the room simply with her presence. She’s poised under pressure and able to handle strong-willed people in an authoritative, yet respectful way. She’s confident, self-aware and very comfortable in her own skin. Her strength of character and humility drive her actions. She's a woman who knows who she is and is able to exercise authority with the appropriate warmth and empathy.
Grace is personal and, I've found, best honed through trial and error. Experiment with an approach or behavior, build upon it and modify it until you intuitively understand what makes you effective — all the while remaining true to who you are. Ongoing feedback from those who know you well is essential for leadership growth and crucial as you fine-tune your grace.
If you’re a professional woman, I challenge you to think of your own leadership journey and where you are on this grit and grace continuum. If you’re early in your career, up to probably middle management, then you’re likely still working on earning your grit. This can be a hard place, which I believe contributes to why so many women tend to get stuck in the middle. Hear me loud and clear: Don’t give up. Persevere. Do one thing every day that scares you.
If you’re in middle management and pushing into the more senior ranks, then most likely you have the grit thing licked. Good for you. You’ve done all the heavy lifting, but don’t let it weigh you down. Take all that hard-earned experience and confidence and find your grace. Discover your authentic style. Practice and perfect it. It’s what people will remember and respect.
If you’re a woman who's already reached senior-level leadership, congratulations. Your position is probably strong. You likely know exactly when and how to push or pull and how to do it with certainty and ease. There is, however, one last thing that many accomplished women do. They put their experience as a leader to good use. They do something — mentor or sponsor others, speak out, create change — to harness the power of their success, their own grit and grace, in order to help the next generation of women leaders find theirs. Are you in?
