The Duke And Duchess Of York Are Not The First Or Last To Divorce Their Family
Hardly surprising that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex's decision to 'step back’ from the Royal Family and move (at least part-time) to North America have ‘deeply disappointed’ and shocked the Windsors. After all, what Harry and Meghan are announcing is tantamount to divorce.
People often assume that when family members cannot co-exist harmoniously the best-case scenario is to work on trying, endlessly to mend their relationship, but this is not always the case. While divorcing your family is still royally rare, many experts agree that distancing is sometimes the very best solution to toxic, unhealthy family relationships.
In less royal families, there are three main causes of divorce.
Estrangement, often the result of neglect or abuse of the child, is one of the main reasons for making a clean break.
Alienation, usually when one parent persuades their child to disown the other parent after a divorce, is another factor.
Other times, marginalization, the chronic experience of being excluded, treated differently. or being disapproved of by the rest of the family, causes many people to feel that communication with their family cannot be resolved.
It is unclear whether any of these factors (marginalization, estrangement, or alienation) have influenced Price Harry and Meghan Markle. What we can infer is that being part of the Royal family dynamic has had a sufficiently strong, negative effect on their life together for the couple to take such drastic action. Regardless of the motivation, the decisive and gracious way in which they have sought to bring about their break from the Windsor family is in some ways exemplary.
In the first instance, it’s clear that they have not rushed into this decision in the heat of a Christmas argument. Far from it. Over the holidays, the couple spent time with their son in Vancouver, about as far away from the Windsors as possible. They have taken the time to consider.
Next, having made the very painful decision that they will not be able to find 'the space to focus’ on the needs of their new family unit while still living amongst Harry's birth family, Harry and Meghan would seem to have taken action, without seeking advice or permission from the Windsors. Perhaps for the first time in his life, Prince Harry has taken responsibility for the direction of his life without consulting his father or grandmother.
Naturally, for any family unit, no matter how controlling, it can be confrontational to have one member, especially the ‘black sheep’, make a unilateral decision. However, it has to be done. Whether you’re facing a bullying boss or a tyrannical dad, when it’s time to leave, you need to stand up to them and do it on your terms. No good will come from trying to negotiate your exit in such situations.
Crucially, Harry and Meghan have taken the high road. Rather than sitting down with a journalist to sensationally tell of their time as prisoners in the palace, they have issued a dignified statement that they will 'continue to collaborate with Her Majesty The Queen, The Prince of Wales, The Duke of Cambridge and all relevant parties.’ In other words, ‘even though we are getting a divorce, we would like to try to be cordial and supportive.’
We have no choice about the family we were born into, and putting up with behavior or conflicts that we are often powerless to resolve should not be necessary just because they occur in the family. It's by no means the easy option, but when you feel powerless to make the family dynamic work for you, the kind of separation which Harry and Meghan have instigated may be your very best course of action.
