As an executive coach, I’ve had the opportunity to see into the minds and hearts of some of the world’s top achievers: CEOs, high-level executives and even pro athletes.
You may be surprised by this, but the questions I hear most often working with these high-level leaders are:
"How can I be more appreciated?"
"How can I be more seen?"
"How can my work be noticed more?"
"How can I continue to advance?”
After having hundreds of these conversations and tracking results in our work together, I believe the key to moving forward no matter where you currently stand in rank, status and earnings is a return to empathy.
While it may seem counter-intuitive to many people in the corporate world, a return to authenticity and a strong expression of empathy-driven traits and skills is what propels leaders forward more than anything else in our current business climate.
Authentic Connection Wins Over Playing A Role
If you’re successful already, chances are there have been times when you’ve given yourself permission to just be yourself and express authentically — and times when you felt pressure to play a role and look a certain way to get ahead.
Which one felt better? Which one got you where you wanted to go?
I find that leaders who give in to the pressure to create an image or play the role of someone who is successful often feel more lonely, disconnected and dissatisfied, even when the material rewards are there.
They miss opportunities, ideas and collaborative solutions sitting right in front of them. The more they come from playing a role, the more likely it is they will feel exhausted, sick or unable to maintain their position over the long term. And even if they do, it’s highly unlikely they’ll enjoy it.
How Getting Demoted Helped A VP Rise Back Up Even Stronger
A recent vice president of a high profile investment bank came to me upset because he was demoted and given fewer responsibilities.
In our conversations regarding why it happened, he took a good look at the feedback he received from his boss: that he had been a little cold and distant in his communication instead of warm and connected. This is the reason he was asked to step down.
He felt a strong lack of motivation and inspiration to continue showing up at work. His identity as a leader was compromised. But he got an opportunity to see he wasn’t leading from heart and truth and had to make a decision on how to move forward from there.
He decided to look for opportunities to reclaim his position and title in another company. Instead of reacting to the sting of rejection as he normally would, totally checking out and going on autopilot, he decided to show up, be present and express authentically.
He started to engage with his team and cooperate with them in a far more inspiring way than he had before. He dropped the masks of image and success he had used to get to the top in the first place. He listened more and talked less. He was starting to have fun and reconnect with his purpose in the finance world, even though he continued to look for other opportunities outside his company.
When he least expected it, the same boss who had asked him to step back knocked on his office door, letting him know he had been reevaluated. He was invited into his old position, and his boss told him, “I would like to support you better and put people around you who can also support you better.” He accepted.
The major lesson here? When we give ourselves permission to be authentic, express with empathy, and stay present and engaged, we often find everything we thought we could “get” by playing a role.
So how can this work for you?
Three Ways To Grow Your Empathy-Driven Leadership Style
1. Create a strong intention.
Start to cultivate mindfulness about your level of awareness when you are leading, showing up, engaging with your team, your boss, or having a meeting. Be mindful when driving to and from work, walking into the building and answering the phone or emails.
Notice your feelings, thoughts and any repeating themes, such as, “Am I invested in being right, or am I really listening here?” “Am I open, or am I defensive?” Just like my client who truly did have everything he needed to succeed but was missing a connection to his heart, check in with yourself and see who you are being: a role, or yourself?
2. Check your mindset.
In her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, psychologist Carol Dweck identifies two states of mind: fixed and growth. A fixed mindset comes from a place of trying to prove something, which most often has the opposite result. In a growth mindset, you listen, you reflect and you collaborate. You look for solutions that work for everyone. Your team and ultimately your company can flourish when people have a growth mindset, and you will advance because you are being a true leader.
3. Slow down.
When you slow down, you start to move past the need to be right or defensive. You’ll often find a diamond in the rough, a different insight, or a new truth that you didn’t think about before, which births innovation.
Slowing down is fundamental in helping you remember, “What am I committed to paying more attention to?” Ask yourself: “Am I committed to being in this fixed mindset and being right, and being defensive when other people don’t think I’m right? Or am I committed to grow -- to really contribute from this place of authentic intention?”
Putting all of these into practice for yourself and leading your teams through it as well will result in a happier, more productive, more connected workplace. When you are the person who brings about this change, you will advance!
