In our desire to get approval, be seen, and feel valued, we put on a facade that we think will inspire others to do just that. The problem with that thinking is that we become dependent on this facade, or ego, and when it doesn’t perform and get the outcomes want, then it isn’t that we failed to reach a goal or accomplish something, it’s that WE failed as a person.
Thoughts, like, “I’m no good”, “I’m a failure”, “Mom and dad told me I wouldn’t amount to anything”, etc. run through our minds.
To further exacerbate the problem, most people have become so wrapped up in the roles they play in life (ego) that they’ve lost perspective of who they really are at their core.
You see this many times when a person loses their job; whether that’s by termination, down-sizing of an organization, mergers where duplicate roles are eliminated, and other reasons. They don’t see it as their job being eliminated or terminated, THEY were terminated, along with their sense of role identity. They ruminate about how they weren’t good enough, smart enough, valuable enough. They become depressed and overwhelmed with grief. They are a failure.
What they don’t fully realize is that the job wasn’t them. It was only one role they played for the purpose of providing a living.
Core Identity
When a person knows their Core Identity and has a healthy self-esteem, they have a different perspective. When they lose a job for any of the aforementioned reasons, they take it for what it really is, a role they played. They look for feedback on how they can avoid similar events in the future. If terminated for low-performance, what can they do to improve? Training? More focus? Better resources? If they were subject to a downsizing or merger the feedback might be, what can they do to keep in contact with people who can influence them getting another job in the future, if needed?
Knowing your Core Identity is central to having personal power and influence. So, when setbacks occur, they ask, “What opportunities are opening up in place of this?”, “What did I not previously see, understand, or know that this has taught me?” “How will this setback prepare me to do better the next time?”
Those that live consistently in Core Identity are seen as genuine, authentic, even charismatic as people are inexplicably drawn to them. And that, my friends, is great feedback!
#WeeklyPrompt #Failure #Feedback #Ego #CoreIdentity