First things first. I’ve never taken a formal course on mindfulness. I’ve never attended a mindfulness retreat. I’m not sure I could sit in the lotus position, even if I wanted to. I discovered mindfulness meditation almost by accident. Mindfulness had intrigued me for a long time — years, in fact. But the idea of sitting alone with the voices in my head was frightening. Yes, I said voices in my head. We all have them. They talk to us all the time. And, at least for me, those voices were not kind. They constantly urged me to worry about this thing or that thing. They constantly questioned my decisions. And I was tired of listening to them.
Then one day, I came across an audiobook titled Meditations to Change Your Brain: Rewire Your Neural Pathways to Transform Your Life, by Rick Hanson, Ph.D., and Rick Mendius, M.D. And transform my life it did. The authors explain how you can literally use your mind to change your brain. We can use the thoughts we think — and even the absence of conscious thought — to change the physical structure of our brains. That book helped me to see mindfulness in a whole new light. Just as we can use weights to train our muscles and change their structure, we can use mindfulness and other meditation techniques to train our brain and change its structure. We can train our brains to be calmer and more focused. We can learn to let go of those voices in our head. We can help our brains help us to be healthier and happier and more joyful in our lives.
If you’re like I was, intrigued by mindfulness and at the same time intimidated by it, I am begging you to give it a try. As a business coach for lawyers, I speak with people every day who ask me what they can do improve their time management skills, their focus and their productivity. Everybody wants that one thing they can do that will change everything. I believe that one thing is mindfulness. Mindfulness is the one thing that can change everything. There, I’ve said it. And the bonus is that mindfulness won’t just help you train your brain to improve the work-related skills I mentioned. It will boost your creativity and cognitive skills and enhance your overall sense of well-being.
So, if you’re saying to yourself, “Ok! I’m in! What do I need to do?” Here’s the answer: Just start. You don’t need to take a class or go to a retreat or spend an hour a day sitting cross-legged. However, it is helpful to have an understanding of what mindfulness is.
While there is not one simple, all-encompassing definition of mindfulness, I think this definition shared by the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkley expresses the concept beautifully: "Mindfulness means maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens."
Mindfulness involves paying attention to our thoughts and feelings in a non-judgmental way. This can be difficult for most of us because we tend to want to label everything as “good” or “bad” or “right” or “wrong.” Mindfulness asks us to just notice our thoughts and not label or judge them. When we practice mindfulness, we are focused on what we are experiencing in the present moment — for example, our breathing. When we are mindful, we are not ruminating on the past or worrying about the future.
“So,” I can hear you thinking, “what am I supposed to do when I start thinking about stuff or worrying?” Just notice the thought, and let it go. Don’t hang onto it and follow it. Just notice it, and say something to yourself like, “I’m not thinking about that now,” and come back to your object of focus (e.g., your breath).
Think about your experience of driving. When you’re driving, you’re focused on driving. And when you’re driving, there are cars constantly coming toward you. Think of those cars like the thoughts that float through your mind. When you are driving, you don’t latch onto a car coming toward you and stare at that car until it passes you and continue to stare at it as it drives down the road behind you — at least, I hope you don’t. Your thoughts are like those cars. Just notice them and let them pass right by. Mindfulness is not about stopping our thoughts. We cannot stop them. But we can learn to notice them, let them go and come back to our object of focus. This is what mindfulness is all about — not stopping thoughts, but focusing our attention where we choose to focus and letting everything else go.
If you’re ready to experiment with mindfulness, here are three steps to get you started.
1. Check out the book I mentioned, “Meditations to Change Your Brain.” It is chock-full of research presented in a way that’s easy to understand. It also contains guided meditations, which are a wonderful way to get started.
2. Try some meditation apps. Two of my favorites are Insight Timer and Headspace. There are a lot of resources out there. Find one or two that work for you and use them.
3. Create a routine. You don’t need to meditate for an hour or even thirty minutes each day to experience the benefits of mindfulness. Start small. Try a five-minute guided meditation. And if even five minutes feels overwhelming, start with two minutes. Find a time and place that works for you, and do your best to practice every day. Think of it like brushing your teeth: big benefits over time for just a few minutes invested each day.
