Recently, Anderson Cooper had a segment on Anderson Cooper 360 pointing out President Trump's use of illeism or speaking in the third person. The third person is where someone refers to themselves by their own name. For example, Trump has spoken in the third person for years. He even gives himself nicknames. He tweeted in November 2018, "So great that oil prices are falling (thank you President T)."
According to Bill Gates, Trump refers to himself in the third person in one-on-one meetings, not just at rallies and press conferences. So why do gaslighters/narcissists tend to speak in the third person?
First, speaking in the third person distances you from your actions. Posting in the third person on social media may be more common if you have post-traumatic stress disorder because it helps you to emotionally distance yourself from trauma. However, if you are a world leader, using the third person takes on an ominous tone.
When a gaslighter/narcissist speaks in the third person, his statement is said as if it is coming from a supporter. When his quote is published in the media, readers scanning the news may see just the quote and assume it is attributable to someone else. This then gives the quote more credibility. It then becomes apocryphal. It is a form of spreading propaganda. Gaslighters/narcissists speak with the intention that a lie will be heard so many times that it will become the truth and that their use of the third person gives their quotes more clout.
If gaslighters/narcissists feel that not enough people are praising them (they commonly and unrealistically feel this way), they praise themselves. It can be a form of self-soothing, a reassurance to the gaslighter/narcissist that he is worthy of adoration.
The gaslighter/narcissist, who is notorious for lying, may tell you that he never talked about himself in the third person—he will tell you that you must be mistaken, that was a quote from someone else. Gaslighters/narcissists will stick with this story even when you have video proof of their use of the third person.
What do you do if your employer, coworkers or family member refers to themselves in the third person? Some have taken the route of also using the third person, hoping that the gaslighter/narcissist will realize how it sounds. However, the gaslighter/narcissist usually does not pick up on the fact that you are pointing out their behavior. In fact, they are more likely to think that you are trying to imitate them because, the gaslighter/narcissist thinks, you really like the way they talk.
Another technique is to answer gaslighter/narcissist's third-person statements with a second-person statement. For example, one of the most well-known utilizers of illeism, Elmo, says, "Elmo loves to laugh." If you were having this conversation with Elmo, you might respond with, "Oh, you love to laugh." This is a subtle way to let your conversation partner know that you took note of them using the third person, and you are role-modeling the appropriate usage instead.
Another option is to just ignore a person's use of the third person. This option that takes up the least amount of your energy, if you can truly let that person's grammar usage, and its intent, slide. Sometimes when we try to ignore something it becomes an even bigger issue. This can result in us getting fed up and expressing our anger and frustration—and not in a healthy way. The gaslighter/narcissist loves when the attention is on them, whether the attention is positive or negative. Therefore, you have given them a payoff for their usage of the third person.
Yet another option is to completely distance yourself from this person. This is much easier to do with friends than with the leader of your country. So you do what you can to maintain a healthy distance, and establish boundaries, including going "no contact."
