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The Harvard Business Review made a strong case against obsessing over competition in life – especially when it comes to measuring yourself against others. While it can sometimes be productive if managed the right way, too often it can actually be destructive to your overall business and personal success.
While having mentors and people that you admire or look up to is more than fine, having an unhealthy spirit of competition against others can actually be damaging and even escalate to full-blown jealousy (and who wants to have to deal with this ugly green monster each day.)
Yes, we all indeed get a little jealous from time to time, and there are numerous reasons why this can occur. First, we may see someone who already has the very things that we are still in the process of working to obtain. Or maybe jealousy comes because someone else is receiving accolades on the job or is getting the promotions that you feel you deserve. Jealousy can even stem from a source of fear – fear that someone close to you will take your place, or run a better business than you, or even achieve greater success than you.
Sometimes when those close to us reach success in their careers or personal life, we start to get jealous and wonder why we weren’t as fortunate. Moreover, some people just have a fundamental difficulty with handling success—in particular, the success of others. What’s so ironic is, it may actually be easier to accept that strangers are successful, but sometimes it bothers us to see our friends, a former classmate, colleague, and sometimes even our own siblings succeed, even though we genuinely care for them.
Interestingly, the foundation of most friendships starts with the perception that you are each other’s equal. But somewhere along the way, that balance is shifted when one party gains higher successes while the other does not. In fact, many successful entrepreneurs often say that the more success they achieve, the fewer friends they feel they have. Very recently, a CEO told me, “each time I’ve progressed in my life, I’ve found myself having to disconnect from the very friends that I considered to be the closest to me.”
Of course, judging yourself based on others’ metrics also is never a good road to take. No matter how much success you manage to get, there will always be others whom you perceive are doing much better than you. The moment you compare yourself to others, you actually decide that you are not as good as they are – which could lead to insecurities and low self-esteem.
So instead of wallowing in negative emotions, take this opportunity to transfer those feelings into positive ones by allowing yourself to be inspired by your friend’s success, and find out what you can learn from them instead of trying to compare yourself to them.
A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it; it just blooms. - Zen Shin
So the next time you feel a little jealously, try using these helpful tips to bring your emotions back in control.
- Stop comparing yourself to your friend. That includes comparing your assets, accomplishments, or looks with theirs. If you find yourself doing this, then you need to stop yourself immediately because it’s not going to get you anywhere and will only make you more insecure and envious. Instead, learn to be satisfied with your life irrespective of what you have. You don’t know what your friend had to go through in order to achieve success. It is important to remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side.
- Recognize that you are becoming jealous. It is important to be honest with yourself. Sometimes, we hate to admit that we are indeed jealous of our friends, but in order to solve the problem, you must recognize that it exists. And until you accept that you are harboring feelings of jealousy against someone, nothing can help you to overcome it. So, evaluate yourself and then seek help, wise counsel and advice to overcome this.
- Try to focus on the friendship. Sometimes, being envious can ruin a good friendship. Try to remember why you choose this person as your friend. Was it their humor, loyalty, or the same taste in music? Don’t let your friend’s success get in the way of your friendship. Yes, things may have changed, but deep down inside they are often the same person. So, even though you may be jealous of your friend now, you chose this person to be your friend, so there must be some positive attributes about them that you like. Think about the qualities that brought you both close; this way, you can continue to appreciate the good in them, and, keep the negativity out.
- Look deep inside yourself, sometimes jealous can stem from your own insecurities. Tell yourself that you are unique and just as good as the next person. Feel comfortable and confident with yourself and recognize all the great attributes and talents that you have, because unless you learn to appreciate your qualities, nobody else will and you’ll always end up comparing yourself to others.
Most importantly remember, success is not a limited resource that will deplete because other people become successful. There is plenty of success out there for all of us and remember it is nice to have good friends with - or without success.
