Sylvia Acevedo, CEO of the Girl Scouts of the USA, grew up living on a dirt road in New Mexico, the daughter of immigrant parents who survived paycheck to paycheck. Cisco’s former CEO, John Chambers, struggled in school with severe Dyslexia. Blythe Harris, Co-Creator and Chief Creative Officer of Stella & Dot was hit by a Mack truck as an adult and spent a year in a wheelchair, uncertain about her chances for recovery. What do these and other extremely effective leaders have in common? They recognize that their personal challenges and unique life circumstances are a source of strength and resilience. That’s the power of defining moments.
Defining moments are an important part of the leadership experience. Warren Bennis called them crucibles, “after the vessels medieval alchemists used in their attempts to turn base metals into gold.” Research by Bennis and his co-author Bob Thomas showed that “…the skills required to conquer adversity and emerge stronger and more committed than ever are the same ones that make for extraordinary leaders.”
Similarly, in my work coaching executives and leading assessments for c-suite development and succession, I have come to see that leaders who identify and draw inspiration from the defining moments in their lives are inevitably better equipped to manage the everyday challenges of leadership. For instance, the CFO who told me about managing the tragic loss of both her parents and sister in the same year also happens to be recognized by peers for her remarkable professional resilience. And the founder-CEO who counts his immigrant experience as main defining moment is likewise well-known as a risk-savvy change agent and proponent for diversity.
Defining moments can help us become authentic leaders and harness what Bill George calls our True North or “the internal compass that guides us successfully through life,” orients us and keeps us on track as leaders. But how? Let’s look at three steps that I teach leaders take to use defining moments to become better.
Identify: When I coach leaders as part of the executive education program at Harvard Business School, the course begins with a leadership journey exercise that guides individuals to reflect on the major milestone events throughout their lives - including challenges, transitions, major influences and pivotal events. Adapted from Bill George’s Finding Your True North, the idea is to use honest self-reflection to identify and capture pivotal moments. Many executive assessments and leadership training approaches have a similar discovery phase. In a sense, it matters little how you approach the task - what matters is that you dig deep and identify the challenges and events that changed you and define who you are today.
In her book with Adam Grant, Option B, Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg not only writes about one of her own defining moments, the sudden loss of her husband in 2015, but she also focused on how facing challenges helps build meaning in our lives. She says, “We plant the seeds of resilience in the ways we process negative events.”
Transform. The most important part of defining moments is arguably how we choose to use them — how we react to change and adversity. Take Howard Schultz as a case in point. Humble beginnings are part of what shaped Schultz, who went from living in the housing projects of Brooklyn, New York, as a boy to shaping an iconic business and amassing a $3.8 billion personal fortune. In Pour Your Heart Into It he writes, “I took my life in my hands, learned from anyone I could, grabbed what opportunity I could, and molded my success step by step.” His defining moments fueled his passion and purpose and made him who he is today.
Similarly, David Novak, the former CEO of YUM brands, who grew up living in a series of trailer parks across the mid-west, residing in 23 states by the time he was in middle school, credits those defining moments with giving him the empathy he needed to become an effective and successful leader.
As an executive coach and consultant, I’ve see that defining moments motivate people in numerous ways. One banking executive I’ve coached who was the first person in his family to go to college, for instance, credits that experience with fueling his strong work ethic. Another whose parents both divorced numerous times during her youth never works weekends and encourages her team to always put their families first and practice work-life balance.
The most common benefit of falling back on defining moments, particularly when they involve overcoming adversity, of course, is resilience. Research shows us that resilience is not a trait that we need to be born with. It can be developed, learned and practiced - in part by using defining moments to fuel our desire to examine the past and work actively for a better future.
Share. The third way successful leaders use defining moments to become better is by sharing their stories with others. I recently worked through the leadership journey exercise with a team of executives who had known each other for years. As part of our work, the CEO stood up and told the team about her father walking away from the family when she was a child, leaving them with almost nothing. As she recounted the serious struggles she faced, many of her colleagues were in tears. She was an icon of success, they assumed she had an easy, and perhaps privileged upbringing. Her story helped the team see her in a different light, adding a new and authentic dimension to their relationship.
Thanks to power dynamics and success, many people find top executives to be intimidating and unapproachable. When they share their defining moments, it makes them instantly relatable to more people. In addition, their ability to overcome obstacles makes their success even more remarkable and inspirational.
There’s rich upside for leaders who discover, internalize and share their defining moments. Those who can reflect on their past are better able to put the next crisis into perspective and motivate others to do the same.
