Successful leaders understand that other people’s impressions of them hold currency, and this currency has a substantial effect on whether you get picked for high-profile projects or promotions and your overall career success. A big part of this awareness is knowing that even subtle remarks that initially sound innocuous to you can make or break your career success.
I’m not referring to a culturally awkward faux pas or an egregious racist or sexist remark. I’m focusing on the imperceptible phrases that, without knowing, can paint you as incompetent or underconfident. And, these remarks do the most damage to your reputation because they fly under the radar. They are remarks that you likely are not aware make you look bad — even when the words are true.
Here are the top five phrases to delete from your repertoire, and what to say instead.
1. That’s not my job. There are few phrases that can make you look worse than this one. Why? Because, to the recipient, it speaks to your attitude, even though you really are just communicating about your capacity. At best, you are telling people that you’re unwilling to go beyond your job description. At worst, you’re communicating that you are petty, lazy or unaccommodating.
Instead, say: “I’d like to help; I don’t have the capacity right now. I will in two weeks; will that work?” Or “I have a lot on my plate right now, but how about I help you with this portion (fill in the blank) of the project?”
2. This is the way it’s always been done. If you truly are doing things the way they’ve always been done, you’re in trouble. There is likely a better way due to advances in technology and business processes. Therefore, people will not hear what you believe is the logic or efficiency of this statement. Instead, they will focus on how this phrase makes you sound stubborn, resistant to change or even outdated.
Instead, say: “It sounds like you have some creative ideas to approach this project. How about I share the merits of our current method, and then let’s explore if there are opportunities to improve it.”
3. To be honest ... This statement makes me think back to a manager who I had early in my career whose response when I said this to her was, “Are you only being honest with me now? What about all of our other conversations?” Of course, it was a rhetorical question because we had an authentic, trusting relationship. She was artfully pointing out that I needed to eliminate this phrase from my lexicon because of how it made me look, which was potentially dishonest to anyone who was less forgiving than she. Ironically, when you feel the need to highlight your honesty, it actually reduces how truthful you look to others. And, you are likely being honest almost all of the time, so is it really necessary to tell others that you are?
Instead, say: People use this phrase most of the time as a warning that they’re about to be blunt with their statement. So, if that’s the case, simply start your sentence with “to get right to the point” or “to be blunt” to avoid damaging your credibility.
4. Can I ask a stupid question? This meaningless, preliminary introduction damages your credibility and makes you look, well, stupid.
Instead, say: If you don’t understand what someone just said in a meeting, odds are you are not the only one. If you are concerned that your question will make you look stupid, ask it so it sounds like you’re clarifying instead of fully not understanding what they mean. Ask for details by saying, “You say that our sales projections are off. Could you share what you see are the biggest drivers for that?” Or, “Could you walk me through which parts of our sales projections look the most skewed?” And, finally, there is always, “Could you give me an example?”
Sometimes it's best to not say anything at all if you truly believe that you should understand what your colleague is saying. Instead of asking your question in public, after the meeting, ask a colleague or someone you trust in private for clarification.
5. No problem. This phrase has replaced “you’re welcome” in everyday interactions, but it actually is a problem. When you say “no problem” in return to someone thanking you, you are subliminally characterizing their request as a burden. And, it makes people question if their request was a problem to begin with. If you think I am overacting, consider this — how much money and time do you spend getting a client to do business with your organization? What resources do you invest in to ensure your services, products and processes are just right for your customers? It's the customer who decides at every step in their journey with you whether or not your organization has delivered on what it promises. And focusing on your customers’ experience may be the single most important investment you can make in today’s competitive market.
Instead, say: You don’t want to come across as inauthentic, so if “my pleasure” is not your style, a simple, genuine “you’re welcome” or “I’m happy to help” is a positive response.
How many of these career killers have you used recently? Now that you know what you telegraph to others through the words you use makes a big difference in how they perceive you and on your career success, you can be more strategic with them. Even a small slip-up can cause your audience to judge you negatively by focusing only on your verbal mistake, not your ideas, strategic vision or other positive qualities.
