Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, speaking in South Africa on October 02, 2019. While in Africa, the ... [+]
In speaking with journalist Tom Bradby for a documentary, Meghan Markle shared her struggle with being a new mom and newlywed to Prince Harry:
“Any woman, especially when they’re pregnant, you’re really vulnerable, and so that was made really challenging. And then when you have a newborn, you know. And especially as a woman, it’s a lot,” she said. “So you add this on top of just trying to be a new mom or trying to be a newlywed. It’s um…yeah. I guess, also thank you for asking because not many people have asked if I’m okay, but it’s a very real thing to be going through behind the scenes.”
When Bradby asked if she was not okay and was struggling, the Duchess responded, “Yes.”
Perhaps this is heartbreaking to hear because people think that living a privileged life protects you from struggle. Don’t kid yourself: Every person struggles in life. Struggle does not discriminate based on gender, race, power, beauty or money. Expectations that you set on yourself and that others set on you about how you should act and live your life place a heavy burden on people.
Different people face different challenges. Many people, regardless of what their challenge is, still do not receive the support they need to overcome their struggle. When you are struggling and lack proper support, remember these three things:
1. Recognize your struggle, and be honest with yourself.
Expectations are ideals people hold in the pursuit of perfection. Unrealistic expectations can be harmful, but they are a reality. People have expectations of Meghan Markle, now a prominent public figure as a member of the British royal family. Society has expectations. The British royal family (known to many as “the firm”) has expectations of her. She probably has expectations for herself. This is a lot to live up to and can easily set you up to feel like you aren’t good enough.
No one wants to feel like they are inadequate. No one wants to feel like they have failed. But many people feel this way. Many people struggle with living up to all types of expectations, whether it is from their family or colleagues. Recognize and own your personal struggle. You are not alone.
2. Share how you feel.
When Meghan Markle was asked if she was okay, she responded honestly. She told the interviewer that she is struggling and, in doing so, told the world she is struggling. She took the opportunity to share how she was really feeling. She could easily have said that she was doing fine, but she didn’t. She had the courage to tell her truth.
Not only did the Duchess candidly answer the question, but she also expressed her appreciation for the question. Perhaps she wanted people to know her struggle as a way to quell the criticism of her in the press. Maybe she wanted people to know so that she could feel a weight lifted off her shoulders. Maybe she was continuing her advocacy for women in letting other women know that she, too, faces difficulties. Maybe she, now feeling more isolated, wanted to be vulnerable as a way to connect with others on the most basic human level.
If someone asks you if you are okay, have the courage to be honest. Maybe you are fine. Maybe you are facing a challenge. Regardless, be honest with other people. You need the energy and freedom to continue moving through life and be the best you can be, even in difficult times.
3. Ignore the critics.
It is more difficult for Meghan Markle to ignore critics than it is for a person not in the spotlight. She sees her name in a headline as she tries to keep up to date with the news of the world or as she walks by a store. In the interview, you can see on her face the toll the criticism and bullying has taken. She probably tries to ignore what the press writes and says about her, but it still must be a struggle, her struggle.
Accept that criticism will come whatever you do (or don’t do). Someone will always think that you are not good enough or not doing the proper thing. Remind yourself that bullying stems from feelings the bullies have about themselves, not you. Bullying is an external manifestation of that person’s struggle. Remember: Every person struggles in life. Keep things in perspective, and try to ignore the critics.
Be honest with your struggle, take the opportunity to share your struggle and focus on your needs to overcome your challenge. Have the courage to do what you need to do to overcome your challenges.
How do you show courage in times of vulnerability? Share with me your stories and thoughts via Twitter or LinkedIn.
