In a tweet, Donald Trump wrote, “I never called Meghan Markle ‘nasty’. [sic] Made up by the Fake News Media…” He then goes on to ask if CNN and the New York Times will apologize to him. However, there are audio recordings by the Sun showing that he did, in fact, refer to Markle as "nasty." Trump's lying should come as a surprise to no one at this point.
If you claim that Trump just doesn't remember everything he said, let's entertain that idea. Sure, it's possible. But is it probable? Probably not. When people just don’t remember things, they usually don’t start out on the offensive. Trump's usual target is the media, similar to Richard Nixon (although Nixon was more circumspect about it). Ordinarily, when people just can't remember a fact, they state so. (Which isn't to say that "I don't remember" can't also be used as an obfuscation technique, as seen in the transcripts of Ronald Reagan being questioned in the Iran-Contra trial.)
The more likely reason, as we have seen from Trump’s past behavior, is that he is just plain lying. A pattern of Trump lying about facts and events has long been established. As of April 2019, Trump has lied over 10,000 times while in office. If you're a member of the "everyone lies" camp, consider the scope of what Trump lies about.
Trump wrote a tweet stating, “Puerto Rico got 91 Billion Dollars [sic] for the hurricane, more money that has ever been gotten for a hurricane before…” Both of these statements are false.
At a rally in El Paso, Trump said Beto O’Rourke had only “200 people, 300 people” at a speech he was giving, in the same city, the same night. The Texas Tribune reported that O’Rourke had 7,000 people at his speech.
In a State of the Union address, Trump said, “The border city of El Paso, Texas…considered one of our nation’s most dangerous cities…Now immediately upon its building, with a powerful barrier in place, El Paso is one of the safest cities in America….” El Paso was never one of the nation’s most dangerous cities. Its crime rate is significantly below the national average. The crime rate actually went up in El Paso after a border fence went up.
When gaslighters/narcissists are caught on video saying something that they swore they didn’t say, instead of a mea culpa, they go on the attack. They will tell you that you heard them incorrectly. Or they'll employ the latest excuse — that the audio was digitally manipulated. A gaslighter/narcissist may also tell you that, yes, he said it, but it was taken “out of context.” He may also choose to continue lying without compunction. One thing he will not do is apologize. To a gaslighter/narcissist, an apology is a sign of weakness.
When reading the audio transcripts of Trump's comments about Meghan Markle, the excuse “It was taken out of context” doesn’t apply. He clearly was referring to her.
Why is it so effective when gaslighters/narcissists continue their lie, even when there is easily accessed evidence to the contrary? Because it tends to work. First, you get confused as to why someone would blatantly lie. It goes against what you know as normal human behavior. Most people, when caught in a lie, will admit to it and apologize. (Most people also tend to not blatantly lie in the first place.) The more confusion you feel upon hearing the gaslighter/narcissist's blatant lie, the more you start to remember the gaslighter's defense or continued lying, not the actual truth that he is lying about. This is exactly how propaganda is spread — repeat something long enough and people start to believe it.
Do gaslighters/narcissists believe what they are saying? It's hard to tell. Is it possible that a lie has been told so much that the gaslighter/narcissist no longer knows the truth? It's possible. It's more probable that the gaslighter/narcissist believes they don't need to follow the same societal rules as everyone else, and they act as if they really don't care what you think about them. But at the same time, they are deeply concerned about being criticized. Regardless, it's important to remember that this behavior is not normal, nor should it ever be accepted as such.
In this case, there is also a sexist undertone to Trump calling Meghan Markle "nasty." This is far from the first time Trump has called a woman “nasty.” He also referred to Hillary Clinton, Kamala Harris, and San Juan Mayor Carmen Yulín Cruz as “nasty.” He has not been quoted as using "nasty" to describe a man.
How do you handle a news source that lies about saying something? Publish the interview, showing the context in which the comment was said. Also, do not shy away from saying that a person is lying. People generally say, “That is not true,” or “That is false,” in response to someone lying. However, gaslighters/narcissists are pathological liars. Their behavior needs to be called out directly — again, a simple “You are lying," and then stating the facts is sufficient. Expect the gaslighter/narcissist to retaliate by calling you names, or another of their other personal favorites, ignoring you all together — even if it is in the middle of an interview. However, at least you have stated the truth, on the record.
If you work with a gaslighter/narcissist who constantly lies, keep documentation. Record date, time, and direct quotes. Don't keep this information on a company-owned device, however. Many have realized too late that when they leave a company, the employer-issued device stays. If you are having a meeting with a gaslighter/narcissist, make sure there is an impartial witness in the room. Also consult with your company guidelines and superiors as to how to handle a gaslighting employee, especially before the point of costing you good employees, clients, and money. Because it will happen — it's just a matter of time.
