7 Things Incredibly Persuasive People Do Differently—Based On Science

Many of us imagine persuasion as something of a dark art. We think of it as the domain of ruthless politicians and manipulative, used car salesmen. But the fact is, persuasion—or the art and science thereof—is as fundamental and necessary to human interaction as communication itself.

Teaching another person or raising a child to adulthood, for example, are acts of persuasion. Alerting someone of dangers or helping others resolve emergencies are acts that require persuasion. Indeed, even informing someone of your undying love is an act of persuasion.

For that reason, there’s much we can learn from people highly skilled in persuasive science.

Such people often reject pop psychology notions of influence in favor of more scientifically proven approaches. In doing so, they recognize that what often seems like common sense can be wrong, while what seems non-sensible can be effective. In that connection, we outline 7 things highly influential people do differently, based on science. These include:

1. They aim to solve the other person’s problems, not their own. Many of us have the aim of persuading others largely to reach our own, personal goals. For example, we hope to make a sale or gain support or compliance. As a result, we aim to persuade the other person on the merits of what we want and not what they want. Yet, incredibly persuasive people don't do this. They set aside their personal objectives (at least, momentarily) to consider the other person's objectives and perspective. They try to gather a feeling for that person's values and challenges, then persuade that person by speaking to those values. In other words, the incredibly persuasive person aims, first and foremost, to solve the other person’s problems, not theirs. Indeed, scientists have found this "perspective-taking" to be the most effective method of gaining empathy. That is to say, rather than following popular empathy prescriptions which seem disingenuous and circle back to themselves, the incredibly persuasive person “starts with you”—i.e., the other person.
2. They don’t ignore personality differences. Any persuasive person recognizes personality differences among those they seek to persuade. Parents know this naturally. For example, different children have different personalities, requiring different tactics to persuade them to say, make their beds. And researchers in England have found evidence for this. Shy, socially inhibited personalities, for example, tend to follow the crowd. More extroverted, self-oriented people, however, need time or scarcity (i.e., “last one”) pressure to be persuaded. And last, more agreeable, extroverted people need alignment with things they've done in the past to be influenced. In other words, truly persuasive people first size up the personalities of others they’re dealing with. They don’t brush past those differences and offer a generic approach.
3. They’re never pushy. Following the above logic (excluding pushy parents), the incredibly persuasive person does sell too hard. They know the objectives of others and sensing personality differences, they allow those other people to convince themselves. Hence, they might assume shy counterparts need gentle prompting and benchmarking. Shy personality types need evidence of what others in their situations have done. More open, extroverted types, however, need a story that rings familiar while, more aggressive, extroverted types, need a deadline. More generally, suppose a top leader needs a team to embrace an absolutely scary change in the product or service line the company’s offering. One effective means of persuasion is to first get everyone to agree on the goal—not on the change itself. Once the team members align on the goal, the influential leader lets each explain how the current approach will “get us there”. This allows them to each person to see, at their own pace, how change might necessary—that is, how the old approach won’t work. Pushing, by contrast, will lead to silent revolt.
4. They don’t ignore the power of telling a story. Story is often the single most powerful element of persuasion and science offers substantial support for the approach. In offering a story, incredibly persuasive people connect the dots between what their counterparts need and the influence they are attempting to exert. Thus, as in the previous example, if the leader trying to gain buy-in for change uses a story that aligns everyone to the company’s situation, alignment on the goal is easier. By extension, alignment on a solution becomes easier. Parents (but especially grandparents), in particular, find stories useful in helping their children understand certain facts of life. Moreover, such an approach is useful when the "facts" remain to be seen or are, as yet, unknown. For example, suppose a parent dislikes a child's new friend, for some reason. She lacks data to prove her case, but she sees bad signs. If incredibly persuasive, she might use red flags in the friend's behavior to outline a story she offers her child. Leaders can do the same thing, only changing say, "the big bad bear," to a “the big bad competitor”.
5. They don't overuse emotion. A great deal of scientific research supports using emotion in persuasion. Yet, incredibly persuasive people know that this should not be overdone. For example, recent research shows that that certain strong emotions produce different reactions. For example, fear incites a deep-rooted mechanism in the brain for a person to learn. As a result, using warnings and fearful emotion in persuasion is good if one hopes to prevent an action another person might commit out of ignorance. This was the case, for example, during the outbreak of COVID-19. With a public largely ignorant of the disease’s pathology, authorities were able to get greater social distancing compliance with warnings about infection and death. At the same time, anger is a better emotion to convey if the aim is to encourage action. This is particularly true when the other person is knowledgeable. For example, since most smokers know the dangers of smoking, anger incited at new taxes on cigarettes or hikes in insurance premia, might reduce smoking.
6. They don’t ignore odd, contrary human behavior. It's no surprise that people sometimes like to buck the trend or do what others don't do—just to be different. What's surprising is that persuasive people pick up on this tendency and use it to influence. For example, in a recent study, researchers found that people are more interested in following what others like and not what others do. Customers searching on Amazon, for example, might be less persuaded by purchases of items by others than by reviews, even if contrary to the sentiment of purchases. As a result, incredibly persuasive people tend to convince more with their words, even if they contradict actions. A team leader might routinely show up late for meetings but exhort others to show up on time by stressing her love of punctuality. That seems bizarre, but the principle apparently operates on a deeper, egoistic desire people have for nonconformity.
7. They rely on science more than on pop-psychology and focus groups. Many marketing professionals rely on focus group surveys to determine what customers want. For example, they try to shape ad campaigns on the basis of the results. However, recent research by brain scientists have found that focus groups are often inaccurate. Through brain imaging, for example, one study shows that one area of the brain than others in response to an ant-smoking ad, better predicted changes in behavior by more than 30 times other ad approaches. The interesting thing was that focus groups on both experts and potential customers showed exactly the opposite—the least effective ad campaigns were the ones people said would be most effective. The upshot is that people often misunderstand their own motivations for why they do things and what influences them. This study, in particular, showed that influence depends more on tapping people's hearts and their identities.

No one would dispute the awesome power of influence or its importance in many applications of life and business. However, in assuming influence is something underhanded or deceptive, many of us miss out on the opportunity to harness that power in ways that can benefit ourselves and others. Incredibly influential people are not lost on this point. As science confirms, they realize that the most effective “tactics” of influence are typically the ones that bring about those benefits.