Dr. Eugene Dilan is an International Organizational Consultant, Executive Coach, and Motivational Speaker. | DILAN Consulting Group.
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We’ve all crossed paths with a “difficult” employee: the kind of colleague who ignores directions, rebuffs the input of their team and might carry an air of negativity with them, too. While working alongside people who act like this can be difficult, we shouldn’t take their attitudes personally. As Liz Kislik explains in Harvard Business Review, usually, defensive behaviors are coping mechanisms developed to handle challenges, changes or insecurities in the workplace. Though it’s easy to make a habit of avoiding confrontation with defensive employees, their isolation often comes at the expense of the organization as a whole. When managers take the time to break through an employee’s defensive barrier, they foster a line of honest and helpful communication, create a stronger team and lead their organizations to success.
The Importance Of Feedback
Feedback is the best tool managers have to check in with their employees both professionally and personally. Its importance can’t be overstated. But not all managers maximize their potential—a 2019 Gallup poll found that "only 26% of employees strongly agree that the feedback they receive helps them do better work! Beyond its inefficacy, poorly delivered feedback may trigger defensive behaviors—too much negative feedback can create insecurities, dishonest feedback may misrepresent expectations and not enough feedback creates a distance between manager and employee. As managers, we must be specific and intentional in our coaching discussions with employees.
Strategies To Break Through To A Defensive Employee
1. Foster a safe and supportive environment.
Since defensive attitudes are acts of self-preservation, creating a space where your employees feel safe enough to let their guard down is vital. Encourage open and honest dialogue by demonstrating empathy, active listening and non-judgment. Be present in your interactions and lend credence to any questions, concerns or observations your employee has to offer in return. When you do so, you validate your employee’s feelings, encouraging them to be more open and less defensive.
2. Focus your feedback on coaching.
In the book Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well, authors Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen explain there are three types of feedback: evaluation, appreciation and coaching.
• Evaluation provides insight into an employee’s standing and the expectations outlined for their role.
• Appreciation amounts to motivation and encouragement.
• Coaching, ideally, combines both to help employees improve their performance overall.
As a manager, always offer your employees both evaluation and appreciation during feedback sessions. Your flattery will lower their defenses and encourage receptivity to your coaching. This doesn’t mean you’ll have to avoid discussion of your employee’s development opportunities completely; you’ll just need to handle those conversations more tactfully.
3. Make your feedback more effective.
In her TED presentation, cognitive psychologist LeeAnn Renninger lays out several tips for providing brain-friendly feedback that resonates with employees.
• Begin with the 'micro yes.'
It's a short but important question that allows your employee to prepare for incoming feedback. (This is especially helpful if you’re offering feedback outside of a scheduled coaching session.) Additionally, the micro yes gives your employee the opportunity to accept, deny or postpone feedback, which instills a sense of autonomy.
• Next, provide a data point.
Refer to the specific behavior or action that prompted your feedback and cut to the chase. It may be something like: “There were several pages missing from the report I received from you” or “The clients really enjoyed your presentation.”
• Then, demonstrate the impact.
You may follow up with: “I can’t move on to my next task until I receive those missing pages,” or “The clients have renewed our contract.” This helps reiterate the synergistic flow of your organization, which is sometimes lost on employees focused on individual tasks. In the case you’re offering appreciative feedback, stating the impact of good work provides encouragement and affirms their effort.
• End by asking a question.
This gesture turns feedback into a true dialogue between employees and managers. Though a defensive employee may be reticent to apologize for a mistake or accept compliments on a job well done, the effort to welcome their input goes a long way. A critical aspect of coaching someone who is defensive is avoiding blame or passing judgment, so take the time to understand why they’re experiencing difficulty or making mistakes. Perhaps there was an extenuating circumstance or miscommunication, or maybe you fell short in your role as a manager to convey the importance of a specific task. This empathetic approach makes defensive employees feel more seen and heard.
4. Discuss knowledge and skills, not talents.
Research by psychologists Herman Aguinis, Ryan Gottfredson and Harry Joo notes the importance of differentiating between an employee’s knowledge, skills and talents when highlighting their strengths and weaknesses. Why? According to Aguinis, Gottfredson and Joo, knowledge and skills can be taught and honed. Talents, which they define as “naturally or mainly innately recurring patterns of thought, feeling and behavior,” can’t. (Examples of talents are traits like creativity, leadership and charisma.) Generally speaking, people don’t get better at what they’re bad at. While talent development is possible, it takes time. In the meantime, highlight knowledge and skill areas in which your employee can improve. If needed, tailor responsibilities considerate to their unique talents.
5. Follow up.
Coaching, by nature, entails continued conversation, but consistency is especially important when working with a defensive employee. Your reliability in following up provides a stable framework that encourages higher self-esteem and a more positive workplace. Executive coach Ruchira Chaudhary recommends “checking in” instead of just “checking on”: ongoing conversations that inquire about an employee’s thoughts, needs and progress as needed. Ask questions like: How is the project going? How can the team offer you support? How can I offer you support?
Something To Take With You
It’s more difficult to forge meaningful coaching relationships with defensive employees, but it's certainly not impossible. With patience, empathy and effective feedback, you can build trust and rapport. Though the process takes time, it rewards your organization with individual growth, improved team communication and a more positive atmosphere.
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