As coaches, it is part of the job description to help clients overcome their obstacles — even if the one standing in their way is themselves. It is not uncommon for clients, whether they be teams or individuals, to get set in their ways. This can lead to pushback on ideas or goals, which can be a major hindrance to progress, and ultimately, success.
Navigating around or through the pushback can actually be an extremely difficult task for a coach, as the process often involves getting the client to think or act outside of their comfort zone. In order to help you build trust, 13 members of Forbes Coaches Council, below, have shared their best advice for overcoming client pushback in the most productive way possible. Here's what they said:
1. Join Them At The Table
Instead of going against it, tunnel under the client’s resistance and come out the other side (the side they’re on) and “join them at the table.” Invite them to peer into the resistance from the one place guaranteed to have them quickly and eagerly giving it up: Show them how this exact type of resistance (the specific reasons they give for pushing back), is their exact pattern of struggle. - Lorna Johnson, Lorna J Enterprises, Inc.
2. Share Life Experiences
In coaching teams and individuals there is always pushback because people are typically fearful of change. To combat this fear, I share specific life experiences I've encountered were fighting my fear always resulted in a positive outcome. Because some of these experiences are personal, my willingness to be vulnerable helps to build a level of trust between us. - Jacqueline Peros, JMP Branding LLC
3. Use Sincerity And Truth
I believe sincerity and truth are the best approaches: “I know you aspire (to be a team leader someday). However, when you (pushback on every idea that is presented in team meetings), it might be interpreted (that you are not aligned with our team objectives and company goals). My concern for you is (that your lack of adaptability) may affect (your promotability). Help me to understand. ...” - Denise Mills, The LeaderFuel Center
4. Effectively Connect
I think coaches should always anticipate pushback. It's a natural part of any team dynamic. As a mindset coach, I anticipate pushback because that is what a mindset resorts to. It's the mind's form of "fight or flight." But, I have found one of the most effective approaches to building trust is to effectively connect. Unfortunately, connecting has become a lost component in communication. - Vince Morales, Zoe Transformation Coaching & Consulting
5. Open Up About Your Own Life
Use a story from your own life and experience to open up to your client about how you have been where they are, walked through the fire and now are reaching back to bring them forward. You can also use stories of other clients to let them know they are not alone, and let them know how you helped that client and what results came out of it. - Michelle Barr, Michelle Barr Unlimited
6. Include Their Methods
One effective approach for building trust when getting past pushback is to acknowledge that there is nothing wrong with their ways. Include their ways in a conversation on why you are looking to do something different than what they are used to. When they are able to see something new for themselves that will benefit them, the trust process begins, and you can continue to build from there. - Jessica Smith, JLS Vision Services, LLC.
7. Establish Common Ground
Trust building — whether it is with clients, teams or individuals — happens through establishing common ground first, demonstrating genuine curiosity, and minimizing judgment. When faced with push back, clarify the common goals you have with them, ask open questions (questions that start with "who" or "what," and avoid demonstrating judgment (avoid questions that start with "why"). - Vamsi Tetali, ghSMART & Company
8. Give Trust To Others
Give trust to others and be authentically transparent about what you think and feel. We often expect others to earn our trust before we give it. This causes us to behave critically, sitting in judgment on others. Social psychology has demonstrated that we get what we expect. We will find evidence not to trust and will behave in ways that lead others not to trust us. Be bold: Try giving trust. - Lindy Brewster, ORConsulting Inc.
9. Do What You Say You Will
Doing what you have always done will get you what you have always gotten. For an individual or team to grow they must have a foundation of trust, and trust is built by consistently doing what you say you will do. Others can then relax and know you can be depended on to get the job done — even if it means walking into the unknown. When people trust they can begin to create a new normal. - Rebecca Bales, Lumina Learning
Read more in The Three Cs of Building Trusting Relationships With Your Team
10. Leave Space For Decisions And Contemplation
Lawyers like to feel in control, are natural skeptics and want to make their own career decisions. So, I always tell my attorney-clients they don’t need to follow every piece of my advice, as long as they hear and consider it. That way, they listen better, rather than actively think of ways to disagree while I’m advising them. It’s an approach and a philosophy I recommend to all coaches. - Kathy Morris, Under Advisement, Ltd.
11. Listen And Learn
Whenever we get pushback from our teammates or employees, the best approach is to listen and learn. Instead of focusing on pushing our own agenda ahead, it's important to listen to their perspective and seek to understand. We may actually be convinced of their way or we may learn critical insights into how to convince them to ours. Regardless, they will be much more likely to hear our perspective. - Arman Sadeghi, Titanium Success, Inc
12. Meet Without Judgement
Meet them where they are. I ask: “What is your experience of your life/work as it is now? How does that impact you? Your teams? Your family?” Building trust is a prerequisite for being able to lean in and show clients how they create their own experience. To do so we must meet them with compassion, without judgment, and with clarity — while still fearlessly being able to share what we see. - Lisa Hale, Focused Leadership Consulting
13. Explore Past Wins
Many times, people are set in their ways because they don't trust they can achieve the results they desire. I like to help my clients explore past wins so they can see patterns of success in their lives. By doing this, it opens them up to the possibilities of the options and opportunities awaiting them. - Carol Parker Walsh, Carol Parker Walsh Consulting, LLC
