Human beings are drawn to authenticity. We appreciate the ability to be ourselves, and we will connect more readily with those whom we perceive as being “real” and true to their own values, often whether or not they align with ours. Authenticity generates respect because it is honest.
While you may feel tempted to present yourself in ways that ignore or run counter to your personal beliefs just to close a deal or make a good impression, this strategy can backfire quickly. If someone senses you’re not being genuine, it not only diminishes any trust you’ve established, but also tarnishes your reputation, which could prevent others from even considering connecting with you in the future.
What are some good ways to show up your authentic self in your professional network and strengthen those relationships? Below, members of Forbes Coaches Council share 14 concrete steps you can take to create a solid network of connections based on trust.
Forbes Coaches Council members give tips on building authentic trust in network connections.
Photos courtesy of the individual members.1. Expose Vulnerabilities To Create A Safe Space
Expose something about yourself that is difficult to share but which you know will be helpful to others. Sharing stories and examples of our real challenges, our real feelings and our vulnerabilities creates a safe space for others to do the same. It reminds us that we have a much better chance to achieve a bigger positive impact through connections and collective wisdom. - Elisa Mallis, Center for Creative Leadership
2. Focus On Activities That Energize You
There are physiological signs you can use to ensure that you show up authentically. Stress, social awkwardness and other emotional triggers show misalignment between what you're doing and what aligns with your authentic self. As you engage in activities, is your energy depleted, or do hours whiz by? Get clear on activities that fall into the latter category, and the image of how to show up authentically will also become clearer. - Brian Bogert, The Brian Bogert Companies
3. Start From A Place Of Confident Humility
Building connections from a place of confident humility allows us to be more open to listening, to learning from others and to sharing our perspectives with confidence. This confident humility comes from living in alignment with our values and being open to continuous growth. Combined, these qualities can serve to strengthen our relationships while showcasing our authentic selves with ease. - Elizabeth Semion, Elizabeth Semion & Associates
4. Ask Your Network For Help With Solving A Challenge
Share a challenge you are facing and ask your online network for suggestions about how to solve or overcome it. This shows that you are vulnerable and don't have all the answers, engages others and allows them to help by providing support. Trust is built and connections are solidified through honest exchanges such as these. - Kirsten Meneghello, Illumination Coaching LLC
Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches. Do I qualify?
5. Share Struggles And Wins Equally
Sharing your struggles just as much as your wins is a great way to connect with your network. This shows you're not perfect and makes you more relatable. Share more than your highlight reel when you post online and attend events. Being authentic and sharing more doesn't necessarily mean telling everyone everything, but this is a great way to show the personal side of the professional world. - Miranda VonFricken, Miranda VonFricken Masterminds & Coaching
6. Set A Clear Intention For How You Want To Show Up
Being authentic is about being real or genuine, not fake or false. Know who you really are and what you stand for and set a clear intention for how you want to show up in the world. Then come alive, give voice to your beliefs in your writing and speaking and make a commitment to taking responsible action. Be personally prepared to take a stand for what you believe in. - Paul Ward, The Global Centre for Conscious Leadership
7. Give Generously Of Your ‘Big Self’
Search inside yourself. Examine the reasons why you want to build relationships and generate possible ways to create enriching connections. Be sincerely interested in the person you meet. Ask, listen and suspend judgment. Practice giving generously of your “big self” in many forms (by smiling, providing encouragement or doing a good deed, for example) and with the spirit of “ubuntu,” a Zulu word for the South African concept of humanity, which means “I am because we are.” Cherish each connection. - Eun Y. Kim, CEO International
8. Stay Open Without Oversharing
In my experience, being authentic is sometimes misinterpreted as “oversharing.” If you want to build good relationships, it is vital to remain sensitive to how much the other person actually wants to know. Look out for signs of encouragement and active listening. Only go deeper into your story when encouraged. Being authentic needs to go hand-in-hand with being empathetic. - Rajeev Shroff, Cupela Consulting
9. Listen And Learn About Each Other
Gone are the days of pressing your business card into someone's hand and leading with your sales pitch. Today, it's important to make real connections by listening to and learning about each other. Now, when two people connect, they whip out their cell phones and connect on social media. They respect each other and strive to build relationships based on authenticity first—before the sale! - Dr. Teresa Ray, PCC, Dr. Teresa Ray
10. Tell Engaging Stories That Define You
Better connections are built through storytelling. Learn the stories that define you and be willing to tell them readily. Nothing checks more boxes of authenticity and availability than telling a relatable story. Be honest and open in your desire to give before you ever get. As you pay attention to where your stories fit into the conversation or post, you will also be honing your active listening skills. - Paul Geiger, Public Speaking Advantage
11. Align With Your Cares And Embody Core Values
Take time daily to notice your cares and align with them as you dwell in your body. Embody your cares and core values, being intentionally centered and grounded. When you feel off-center, you're not free to connect with others’ cares. Let go of stress and fear and return to the center before you seek to connect with others. You'll be free to fully connect from your authentic self. - Christine Rose, Christine Rose Coaching & Consulting
12. Talk About What Matters To Other People
Talk about and stay involved with things that should matter to others: family, community, work, volunteer work, etc. Make sure you share a little bit of your personal self during the day versus only getting the work done. Make sure to ask about others and take notes about what motivates people beyond the work you share, then celebrate your differences and their uniqueness. You don't need a retreat to do it. - John M. O'Connor, Career Pro Inc.
13. Add Your Own Authentic Value
Find your own unique way to add authentic value to the lives and work of those within your network. As we first focus on the development of others in our professional networking efforts, not only will we experience greater personal fulfillment, but we will also be able to develop more meaningful and reciprocal professional relationships, which will ultimately benefit and enhance our own efforts. - Jonathan H. Westover, Ph.D, Utah Valley University & Human Capital Innovations, LLC
14. Be Empathetic And Helpful
Networking is about communication. This is always bilateral. Anyone who is only interested in business at the first contact does not seem credible. A “buy me, I'm the greatest” attitude puts everyone off. Listening and understanding what moves, interests, hampers or would advance the other person is the be-all and end-all of networking. You can also call it empathy and helpfulness. - Michael Thiemann, Strategy-Lab™
