Award-winning social worker. Cofounder/CINO at WorkLifeHealth.design, an executive-leadership coaching and social impact consulting firm.
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The social status of women of color (WOC) remains precarious because no matter how educated, experienced, competent and successful we are, white supremacy culture—built in by design—upholds a double standard upon which we’re judged. Because WOC represent two or more intersectional identities, the more intersectionality, the more compounded the marginalization. Emotional intelligence (EI), which is the ability to recognize, understand and manage our own emotions and to recognize, understand and influence others’ emotions can help mitigate the barriers that WOC face in ascending leadership.
Systemic oppression makes it harder for WOC to develop positive relationships, especially at work. Tokenization keeps us from being seen as unique individuals and taken seriously, and our competence gets questioned because we’re not seen as qualified. Subtle acts of exclusion and discrimination can lead to our words, feelings and behaviors being distorted or misinterpreted; our authority undermined; our ideas credited to colleagues; and being overlooked for opportunities. Also, a different cultural background can lead to misunderstandings and communication barriers. Lack of representation makes it harder for us to feel supported and to connect with others who share our experiences and perspectives.
In the first article of this series, I provided an overview of the EI framework. Each successive article—the second on self-awareness, the third on self-management and the fourth on social awareness—has led up to relationship management as the culmination of all of these domains.
Relationship management, in essence, is about effective interpersonal skills that draw on every domain and competency of EI. It encompasses five competencies that can be leveraged.
Influence
This competency is about persuasion to gain support and build buy-in by helping people recognize a mutual interest or purpose. It’s about being able to get what you want in a way that benefits others and creates a positive impact.
Leverage this by building a network of relationships rooted in empathy for rapport and support. Learn what matters to people, know how to communicate your message effectively and pay attention to the impact of your behavior on others. As this is undeniably harder for WOC, it’s important to have a well-developed sense of self and social awareness to effectively mitigate bias. The role of empathy is essential in building mutual connection to facilitate an openness to your ideas and to engender cooperation.
Coach And Mentor
This competency is about developing and supporting people to be what they want to be. Necessary for meaningful development is psychological safety. Without it, people will be afraid and less willing to explore, seek challenges, innovate and take risks. WOC know what it’s like to be in psychologically unsafe environments, which diminish our ability to thrive because it requires so much of our energy to survive.
WOC can coach and mentor others and have a coach and mentor, as well. Because WOC get less support at work, this is an avenue where we can be supported and can support others, especially those who are also marginalized. Give both positive and constructive feedback that’s honest and timely, and be able to receive it in kind. Remember, feedback—even tough feedback—is a gift.
Conflict Management
This competency is about constructively managing disagreements. It’s about helping people productively work through emotionally charged situations and to facilitate resolution. When managed with empathy and respect, conflict can strengthen relationships. Understandably, WOC tend to see conflict as negative due to our experiences being systematically oppressed, so it's important to consider power and identity dynamics.
Conflicts that can be resolved can lead to a more inclusive work environment. To leverage this competency, first ensure you’re regulating yourself. Be an effective communicator, which is about listening for understanding, speaking assertively (expressing your own perspective while being considerate of others’ perspectives) and being clear. When others feel understood, they may be more open to considering alternative points of view. Find common ground and seek to promote mutual understanding.
Teamwork
This competency is about collaboration toward a shared goal and contributing effectively to the needs and capability of what the team can do. Teams experience collective emotion, which makes emotions more intense and last longer, which is good for motivation but problematic when there’s an inability to manage difficult emotions. As WOC, we usually find ourselves underrepresented on teams where our mere presence disrupts the status quo. However, emotionally intelligent teamwork can help to mitigate problems and foster inclusion through interpersonal understanding, addressing counterproductive behavior and self-evaluation.
Leverage this by getting to know and understand the emotional drivers and strengths of everyone on the team. Start with knowledge of yourself because better knowledge of your strengths allows you to leverage and know how to use them relative to others’ strengths. Manage your emotions and recognize and understand others’ emotions and strengths to optimize how you can work together.
Inspirational Leadership
This competency is about engaging people toward a sense of meaning and purpose to get things done and for them to want to do their best. It’s about creating feelings of encouragement, hope and motivation. WOC are capable of overcoming bias to bring out the best in others to inspire positive change.
Leadership begins with how you lead your life, so to be an inspirational leader, you must first feel inspired. What matters most to you and why? How do your core values connect with the challenges you’re facing? Become inspirational by focusing on strengths. Cultivate authenticity and centeredness to stay connected to yourself and to facilitate connection with others. Seek to understand others and align for mutual interests.
Relationship management can help WOC create positive impact and mutually beneficial relationships that can lead to the development of inclusive leaders, help people recognize that differences are an advantage and be able to inspire much-needed progressive change by bringing people together.
Leadership is built on relationships, and the most important relationship starts with the foundational one you have with yourself. Equity consultant and writer Minda Harts often says, “Success is not a solo sport.” So how do you see relationship management helping you level up in life and in leadership?
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