Micha Goebig, founder and CEO of Go Big Coaching, helps non-technical women in tech and other male-dominated spaces lead with confidence.
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Let's say you've just started to feel really good about your current role or the particular career stage you have reached—when a request to take the lead in a new project takes you right back to Camp Self-Doubt. Does that sound familiar?
New challenges tend to send our brains into a tailspin of worry. This is because any new challenge, by definition, is outside of our comfort zone (or it wouldn't be a challenge). We have no prior personal experience with the particular thing we are asked to do. And our survival brain requests some intel to build upon going forward. If there isn't any, it activates fight-or-flight-or-freeze mode.
In other words, it can be very hard to feel confident about something we haven't done yet. Fortunately, though, not impossible. Here are crucial steps you can take to successfully tackle new challenges with confidence.
Commit to choosing confidence.
First off, confidence is something you truly need to choose. That may seem like a no-brainer—who wouldn't want to feel confident? But many of us—and women in particular—carry a backpack full of old stories and beliefs around that keep us from doing more than lip service to our desire to be confident.
You may have heard your fair share of sentences like "It's not attractive if girls are overly assertive," "A little more humbleness would suit you well," or even "You talk too much"—having led Younger You to the conclusion that what you have to say is not worth being listened to. Whatever your particular invitation to Camp Self-Doubt says, ignoring it won't help.
What's needed to get over beliefs like those mentioned is awareness when it comes up and then the conscious decision to step away from it. After all, it's only a thought. Even though it may wear the disguise of "ultimate truth," trust me, it's not. And please be patient with yourself as you un-learn these thoughts. We've carried them around for years and decades, so they have become habitual and shedding them overnight is rarely an option.
However, with a bit of practice not believing the negative stories your brain throws at you, whenever you approach the limits of your comfort zone, actively choose confidence instead. When you've mastered that, you'll want to move on to the next step.
There are two ways to go about creating confidence when previous experience is not available. Because confidence is, indeed, a transferable skill.
Create confidence in your body.
One way is the somatic approach: Think of certain situations in which you felt particularly confident or of particular skills you have and fully trust—explore how confidence feels in your body. Do you feel a rush of energy? Or very grounded and strong? Or something else entirely?
There's no right or wrong answer. Focus on the sensations you can pinpoint. They are what you want to hone in on. Experiment with different situations and see how strong the feeling gets. The one that works best for you is your anchor situation going forward. No matter what you are facing, instead of giving in to your brain sounding the alarm, take a minute (that's literally all it may take!) to go to your anchor situation and focus on the sensation of confidence in your body.
Don't worry if your anchor situation or skill is not work-related. As you are focusing on the physical sensations, it absolutely does not have to be professional to do the trick anyway.
Think your way to greater confidence.
If this body-focused approach does not come easily to you—and there's nothing wrong with you if this is not your thing—there's a brain-focused route you can take to arrive at the same destination:
Here, your guiding question is: What do I need to think to feel confident facing my new challenge?
Write down whatever comes to mind and be as specific as you can. The easiest way for many of us to start this list is with tangible qualifications and certifications, which is perfectly fine. Maybe the first thoughts you put down are "I have a master's degree in ..." or "I am a certified ..." (whatever is relevant to your situation).
Don't stop there, though! What are personal qualities that may come in handy? Maybe you are an excellent problem-solver or you have a gift to keep a team motivated and inspired when the going gets tough. Whatever makes you feel good about yourself can make the list. No censoring necessary!
I recommend you put one or more sentences that give you the best sense of confidence on a sticky note on your computer so you can see it during remote meetings, or—in case you are back to in-person work—on your phone. Extra points if you record yourself saying your top affirmative sentences and listening to them regularly, especially when your brain starts telling you again that you are out of your depth. This can help you integrate them.
Combine un-learning old programming with creating confidence through physical sensations or affirmative sentences and you'll be surprised how much less mind drama might come up as you are tackling your new challenge.
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