Jo Ilfeld, PhD, CEO of Incite To Leadership, helps CEOs of high-growth, high-impact companies build unstoppable leadership teams.
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My second son recently left for college. Unlike my big brother, who gave my mom the worst summer she’d ever had as he fought for his independence and separation before his departure for college, my son has only gotten more interesting and fun to hang out with—when he has the time, that is.
Saying goodbye to someone meaningful reminded me of one of my clients who is losing a valued former manager and mentor as they exit the organization. With layoffs on the rise and more people switching companies, parting ways with valued colleagues is becoming a common experience for many of us. Having coached those experiencing coworkers’ departures and those making their exit, I’ve collected some of my best wisdom about how to part ways with integrity.
Suggestions For Honoring A Colleague As They Leave
Express your gratitude beyond the usual platitudes.
Find a way to sincerely express how much they, and your relationship with them, have meant to you. None of us do this enough with people who have impacted our lives for the better, so here’s a good place to start. This might be an email expressing your appreciation, or better yet, a handwritten card. And instead of resorting to generic platitudes, take the time to describe one piece of advice they gave or an action they took and the impact it had on you and your work. This kind of specificity is an amazing way to demonstrate to someone that just by being who they are they made your life measurably better—and that is truly meaningful to people.
Discuss their personal preferences for leaving the organization.
Not everyone has advance warning about their last day, but if your colleague has an established last day, ask them what they want. Do they want a luncheon at their favorite nearby restaurant? A Zoom happy hour with their remote colleagues? A dinner hosted at someone’s house? Or just cookies in the break room so that everyone has a yummy goodbye? It’s best to check with them first because some people hate these types of events and the last thing you want is to make someone uncomfortable on their last day. More likely, however, you might hear, “Oh no need to go to any trouble for me!” Reassure them it’s no trouble and that it’s an important farewell ritual for everyone. Then you can ask them if you can choose or if there’s something they definitely don’t want. I think goodbye celebrations are important, so if they let you make even a little bit of a fuss, do it!
Have a conversation with them about potential successors for some of their roles and responsibilities.
Most likely this person has a good understanding of who “gets it” for different aspects of their job. They’ve noticed over the years who asked good questions, who volunteered to help them and who they’ve gone to for help when they’re stuck. Having a departing colleague’s opinion about who can assume some of their responsibilities can add an additional layer of insight to whatever succession plan is currently being executed.
Drop them a note one to two months into their new role.
Ask them how the new role is going, what they’re learning and what’s surprised them so far. Not only is this a great way to signal to your colleague that you want to stay in touch past your shared org, but it’s also great information for you to file away for the next time you start a new role. One year in, we often forget what we noticed in a new job. Getting that perspective of a “newbie” from someone you know might give you insights into what the new people on your team are experiencing... or what you might experience should you decide to move on. An outsider's perspective often offers us a new way to see our current reality.
Connect with them on LinkedIn.
This might seem trite, but in today’s world of shifting email addresses, moving for new jobs and digital nomadism, your friend might be harder to track down than you think in a few years. Just when you’re missing them and want to reconnect, need some advice they’re well-placed to give or have moved on to a new company where they would be a perfect fit—that’s when you often realize that you need some serious ninja-level googling to find your old friend. Save your future self some time and make sure you two are connected—pester them to accept your request even though “they never use LinkedIn”—and you’ll thank yourself later. It’s also an easy way to send them that note after a couple of months. (Note my callback to the previous suggestion—I’ve been watching a lot of stand-up comedy recently with great callbacks!)
Many of the coaching clients I am currently working with have brought former colleagues into new opportunities when given the chance to build and strengthen their teams. The best people we worked with previously can often become the ones we are excited to partner with once more.
Final Thoughts
Saying goodbye is hard. But it’s easier than you think to honor your colleagues and send them off with a memorable, positive impression. Research points to the fact that we remember endings much more than the “messy middles.” Since that's the case, why not show you care and keep doors open for potential future collaborations you can’t even imagine right now?
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