Priya Kartik, CEO of Enspire, is an executive coach and leadership expert who enhances the success factor of teams and organizations.
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Imagine you're in a meeting, presenting your ideas. You notice a colleague who's always eloquent and poised, and suddenly, self-doubt creeps in. This moment is more common than you think, and it's rooted in a basic human tendency to compare ourselves to others.
Why Do We Compare Our Communication Styles?
Comparing ourselves to others is a natural part of being human. Psychologist Leon Festinger's social comparison theory explains that we evaluate ourselves by looking at others. We often look up to those who seem better (upward comparison), impacting our self-esteem. This is especially true in communication, where we might feel inadequate next to a more articulate colleague.
However, these comparisons overlook our individual strengths and can be detrimental to personal growth and career advancement.
How Comparisons Hinder Growth
Many times we fall into certain comparison traps without fully understanding the underpinnings of this behavior. In my experience as a communication coach, I find the following traps the most common.
Unrealistic Upward Comparisons
I often find professionals set unrealistic benchmarks by comparing their communication skills to their peers. For instance, a junior associate, despite being articulate, may perceive her speech as deficient in comparison to the sophisticated rhetoric and persuasive finesse exhibited by an experienced senior partner.
In a similar vein, non-native English speakers often diminish their own unique communicative strengths by comparing their communication style with those of native speakers, particularly when they see them effortlessly employ idiomatic expressions, sports metaphors or analogies to effectively illustrate points. These comparisons can lead to an undue sense of inadequacy, overshadowing their own competencies and distinctive communication styles.
Competitive Comparisons
In competitive work environments, the emphasis on outperforming others can overshadow personal growth. This strains workplace relationships and increases stress and burnout.
I recollect one of my clients, a marketing associate, feeling pressured to adopt the aggressive communication style of top performers, despite his own strength in empathetic and clear client communication.
5 Strategies To Develop Your Unique Communication Style
1. Self-Reflection And Awareness
Understand your natural communication style. What are your strengths? Where could you improve? Reflecting helps you develop a style that's authentically yours.
Pro Tip: Maintain a communication journal. After important meetings, conversations or presentations, write down what went well and what could be improved. Note your feelings, the reactions of others and any specific aspects of your communication that stood out.
2. Personal Goals, Not Comparative Ones
Set personal, achievable communication goals instead of aiming to mimic someone else's style. For example, if you're good at explaining complex ideas, you might set a goal to enhance this skill by incorporating analogies or visual aids.
Pro Tip: Specify what you aim to enhance in your skill set within the next three days, three weeks and three months. This structured approach helps create focused and achievable objectives to improve your communication skills and style.
3. Constructive Feedback
Gathering feedback from trusted colleagues, mentors or coaches can provide insights into your communication style's effectiveness. Ask for specific feedback on areas you're working to improve, not in comparison to others.
Pro Tip: Schedule regular meetings with a trusted colleague or mentor to discuss your communication style.
4. Continuous Learning And Practice
Invest time in learning and practicing new communication techniques. Practice these skills in safe environments, like team meetings or small groups, before applying them in high-stakes situations.
Pro Tip: Video record yourself presenting. First, listen to the audio for verbal clarity and write down your observations on aspects like words, clarity, pace and tone. Then watch the video to note body language, facial expressions and overall presence. Consciously apply this feedback to refine your communication style.
5. Celebrate Your Progress
Acknowledge and celebrate your improvements, no matter how small.
Pro Tip: Set up a reward system for yourself after successfully completing a challenging presentation or receiving positive feedback on your communication improvements.
Final Thoughts
Your communication style is a thread that weaves your unique narrative. By understanding and embracing your individual style, you can transform your communication into a powerful tool for career advancement. While ambitious goals can be motivating, it’s vital to set realistic objectives and appreciate your personal progress.
Your voice has power, so own it and hone it. The world is waiting to hear your story.
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