Feeling hopeful that his financial situation would finally change for the better, the woodcutter told his wife about their good fortune. Wanting to ponder the best use of those three wishes, his wife persuaded him to wait until the next day before making any financial decision. But against his wife's request, the woodcutter spent his three wishes carelessly (one of the wishes was about eating sausages), which left them both feeling no better emotionally and financially.
I believe the moral of this story is still valid today. When you're running a business, making smart financial decisions is critical. The main problem is, constantly worrying about money can lead you into emotional turmoil, which will then impact the business choices you make. This is why I've found applying emotional intelligence tools can assist you in recovering from any financial nightmare.
I remember reading this story as a child. In my child’s mind, the woodcutter and his wife were people who used worry as the prime motivator to better their lives financially. Refusing to worry like them, I educated myself in the area of money and finance. As a result, I was earning a six-figure salary by the age of 26.
I thought nothing more of the woodcutter and his wife until I filed for divorce some 30 years after I first read the story. Then, I realized that nothing had prepared me to tackle the large financial debt that became mine after the divorce. I remember going to bed every night worried about how to pay the mortgage or how to fill the kitchen cupboards with food.
Like the characters in Perrault’s story, I became emotionally and financially desperate and started making financial decisions based on worry. At one point, I had two startups going on at the same time in a desperate attempt to make more money. In that process, I physically burned out and lost over $300,000.
It was then that I finally found the courage to confront the elephant in the room: my level of emotional intelligence.
What do financial nightmares and emotional intelligence have in common?
Your emotional intelligence plays a significant role in how you react to various situations, including when your finances take a downturn. That's why it's important to remember:
• We are the common denominator with every experience we have. As tempting as it might be to blame others for poor business results, ultimately, you must remember that you agreed to pursue those business avenues, despite the results you currently have.
• There are lessons to be learned. In a state of worry, I've found business leaders often have their eyes fixed on the past because they're afraid their past will leak all over their present. To me, this shows that they, on some level, know their lesson has not yet been fully learned. Otherwise, they would likely approach their business decisions with more confidence.
After much soul-searching and ego tears over my lack of self-awareness at the time, I have become an emotional intelligence coach who specializes in assisting women business leaders and entrepreneurs in overcoming financial nightmares, be it a divorce, poor management of business inventory or lack of sales.
Because I only know what I am living, here are what I consider two great actionable steps for developing your emotional intelligence in order to recover from a financial nightmare:
Gain perspective.
History repeats itself because of a lack of perspective. In a state of worry, we start developing tunnel vision and fail to see viable solutions. One way to gain perspective (and avoid the blame game) is to pretend that what is happening to you is happening to a stranger, and you were just told that stranger’s story. In that scenario, would you tell that stranger to make the same financial decisions you are making now? Most likely not because perspective allows you to remove the fuel of worry from financial decisions.
Go straight to the lesson.
When history does repeat itself, it’s a sign that you have yet to learn the lesson you needed. Because your "lesson" (i.e., what you learn from your financial results) are derived from the emotions arising from your thoughts, I believe it is safe to conclude that it is our thoughts that create our results, both personally and financially. A great question to ensure you are going straight to the lesson you want to experience is to ask yourself, “What am I teaching right now?” As business leaders and entrepreneurs, we are both teachers and students in life.
With that in mind, what are some of the advantages of developing our emotional intelligence to recover from a financial nightmare?
• Relief of worry: We tend to worry a lot less when we are solution-driven. Being solution-driven suggests that we are emotionally present and have the intent to find a viable solution. This means we feel all of our feelings and emotions, such as gratitude and acceptance — not just worry.
• Increase in self-confidence: As we become more solution-driven, we can go straight to the lesson and gain precious experience as a result. I've found throughout my time coaching business leaders and entrepreneurs that experienced people who understand their life lessons tend to exude more self-confidence.
• Improvement in health: Financial nightmares (such as a failed business or divorce) can be taxing for any business leader and entrepreneur. Stress, worry and anxiety, in my experience, often arise because of self-doubt and a fear of the past repeating itself. Increasing your level of emotional intelligence can help you (and your team) relax and de-stress, both physically and emotionally, while gaining this priceless perspective.
As Perrault’s fairy tale points out, we are the creators of our problems. We are the common denominator with every experience we have, which means that we are also the emotional intelligence solution to our financial nightmares.
