Fear and resistance in communication can arise when individuals or teams need to work through disagreements or differing perspectives. This area is often called conflict management. When you consider how interactions, ideas and preferences influence individuals, it makes sense that we would have differing perspectives. It also makes sense that we can benefit from learning skills to navigate those differences with respect and resolution. These six strategies will help you create more transparency and resolve issues as they arise.
1. Reframe how you see it. One of the biggest barriers that hold individuals back from having conversations to resolve issues is the fact that it’s seen as a “conflict.” Remove that term from your vocabulary and, instead, think of it as “navigating perspectives.” I define navigating perspectives as the deliberate action of understanding differing ideas and perspectives and respectfully working through issues to gain deeper understanding and effectiveness. That, ultimately, is what we are doing. It’s natural that individuals are going to come to the table with different ideas, plans and opinions. The key is to see that as a strength. Remember that by investing in these conversations, you can benefit from powerful outcomes.
2. Focus on the best possible outcomes. Consider all the possible ideal outcomes that will come from having the conversation. One outcome is that having the conversation will make a small difference, if not lead to a total resolution. To find the best possible outcomes, ask yourself these questions: What would I like to learn from this? What is, ultimately, the benefit for both of us? What are the best possible outcomes for those we serve? If it’s not about being right, but rather finding an even better solution, what do we each bring to the table?
3. Resolve to resolve it. As soon as you feel there is a communication issue or a conversation that resulted in friction, resolve to take the time to resolve what is in the way of moving everyone forward. This means, notice it, then move into mapping how you will move forward with a new conversation to navigate the issue successfully.
4. Map the conversation. A very effective step is to map the conversation’s key points, questions to ponder and ways to allow everyone to be heard. Remembering that navigating perspectives is empowering, write down 3-5 key points you would like to share. List possible questions that you might use to deepen the learning for all involved. Finally, detach from the outcome and any judgment as you prepare for the conversation. Enter the conversation, knowing that it’s beneficial for you to simply allow the other person to feel heard. Here are some questions that can help facilitate that feeling:
• “Tell me more about that. What thoughts shape that perspective?”
• “How do you see that idea playing out?”
• “As we move forward in making this a success, what do you see as important to take action on?”
• “Considering both of us desire the highest intension for our customers, what ways can we blend our ideas to achieve that?”
• “I would like to learn more about your insights. Can you share key information that you found?”
5. Create space for the conversation. Once you have completed the first four steps, connect with the individual or individuals to set up a time to walk through the conversation. How you do this is important. When you invite people to the conversation, do not use phrases like, “We need to talk about something” or “We need to set up a meeting to reduce conflict.” Phrases like that place individuals in an alert state. Instead, invite them to the conversation considering the possible outcomes. You may say something like, “I thought of our last conversation and there were some great points that I believe we can move forward on.”
6. Maintain a state of curiosity and interest. As you have your conversation, keep the vision focused on resolution and learning. Help others see the possible outcomes. If the conversation is not moving toward resolution, reframe it. You can encourage others to step back and remember those they serve and express the highest intention you have for them. Remember you are learning from each other.
It’s natural — and actually encouraging — that we all have our own maps of the world, but it’s important to remember that we have more in common than we think. By using these six steps, you can give everyone involved in a conversation the freedom to explore different ideas, outcomes and perspectives with the vision of finding common threads and shared solutions.
