Most professionals would agree that it feels good to show up to work as one’s authentic self. It can be challenging, and even painful, to hide parts of your personality or identity to “fit in”—especially in a work environment where you spend many of your waking hours.
Healthy workplace cultures encourage employees to truly feel free and safe to be themselves. But how much of your whole self should you really share? Below, Forbes Coaches Council members weigh in on what “too much” of one’s whole self might look like, exploring more appropriate and productive ways to channel those aspects when at work.
Forbes Coaches Council members share ways to bring "too much" of your whole self to work.
Photos courtesy of the individual members. [Not pictured: Tammy Kling]1. Being Too Direct
While showcasing one’s authentic self does improve credibility and trust, we may carry traits, qualities or beliefs that do not fit our organization’s culture. For example, an employee who is a “straight shooter” may be misjudged during meetings, and bringing that quality to the table could burn bridges. So, the employee can consciously add polite phrases and ensure that people interpret messages correctly. - Priya Kartik, Enspire Academy
2. Demonstrating Concerning Emotions
When a leader in a position of authority demonstrates emotions that threaten psychological safety, engagement and honest dialogue, the effects can destroy morale, a healthy culture and overall performance. Learning to acknowledge one’s feelings, self-regulate and find healthy outlets for expression are basic capabilities leaders need to practice in the 21st century. - Carol Geffner, CB Vision LLC.
3. Not Being Self-Aware
As crucial as it is to be oneself, it is as important to make sure that the behaviors we exhibit in our surroundings are balanced. In order to discern the demands of the surroundings and circumstances without forgetting one’s own fundamental traits, the individual should act by depending on self-awareness and healthy communication abilities. - Fatih Elibol, MCC Fatih Elibol
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4. Exhibiting Values Contrary To Company Culture
Feeling as if you can be your authentic, whole self wherever you are is important for your self-esteem and overall well-being. And at the same time, it’s important for professionals to be culturally aware of their company. I recommend learning about the company culture ahead of time and assessing it against your value to support your ability to show up fully as yourself. - Nikki Moberly, Big Breakthroughs
5. Opening Up By Venting Or Yelling
Great leaders take responsibility for the impact they make on others. Opening yourself up vulnerably is often a beautiful invitation for others to be more authentic. But sometimes—when you’re venting, yelling or sharing personal information, for example—it makes people feel unsafe and shuts down open communication and creativity. When you’re sharing, be clear about how you want people to feel. - Chris Gaither, Lantern Leadership
6. Not Balancing Your Personal And Professional Brands
My advice is to maintain a healthy balance in your approach to authenticity. Ask yourself, “Does my personal brand overpower my professional brand, or does my professional brand overpower my personal brand?” If the answer to either question is “yes,” ask yourself and other people you trust, “Is this too much?” After reflecting and listening to feedback, make proper adjustments. - Anthony Howard, HR Certified LLC
7. Fostering Pity Instead Of Trust
There is a distinction between the transparency, authenticity and sincerity that fosters trust (creative, outward-mindset-focused) and the drama-filled, self-focused oversharing that instead fosters pity (reactive, inward-mindset-focused). To foster greatness in others, leaders need a trusted place to explore their own thoughts so that they can know clearly what to share, with whom and how. - Lisa Hale, Focused Leadership Consulting
8. Not Sharing To Create Understanding
Sharing your authentic self is powerful when it helps others to feel connected and relate to you—in other words, when your sharing creates understanding and empathy. When your sharing causes the opposite reaction—a feeling that they want to disconnect from you—is when it becomes problematic. Be sure to make your sharing about enhancing the relationship (not about you), and you’ll find success. - Lisa Christen, Christen Coaching & Consulting LLC
9. Not Knowing How To ‘Read The Room’
Bringing your whole authentic self to work is only problematic if you don’t know the organization or cannot “read the room.” Organizations should consider how they treat someone who is confident and displays their authenticity, as it could be received as an indication of them not “belonging” or being “excluded.” Being authentic could be encouraged by organizations to drive more diverse ideas and experiences. - Tinna Jackson, Jackson Consulting Group, LLC
10. Not Maintaining A Professional Distance
We’ve been led to believe that “too much” of anything is not a good thing. Yet, there’s often conflicting encouragement to be our whole selves. Where is the balance? I think you can strive to be your whole self with your partner, family and closest friends. However, in the workplace, it’s important to maintain professional distance by neither sharing yourself completely nor requesting it of others. - Joanna Dutra, The Creative Confidant
11. Revealing Too Much Authenticity At Once
“I like to dress up like a clown on weekends” may be who you are authentically, but what relevance does it have to the job or to forming working relationships with your colleagues? Authenticity doesn’t have to be revealed all at once. If you choose not to reveal something about yourself, it doesn’t mean you aren’t (or can’t be) yourself. Weigh the pros and cons for yourself and the relationship carefully. - Yvette Costa, Velocity Advisory Group
12. Emotionally ‘Dumping’ On Colleagues
A professional line is crossed when one overshares or emotionally “dumps” on colleagues. While it is okay to ask about personal lives and share with colleagues, set some boundaries. Try having a one-word roundtable with the team in the morning to share thoughts and feelings without oversharing. Ask them to describe how they feel at that moment, or to describe how work is going for them this week. - Cheri Rainey, Rainey Leadership Learning
13. Oversharing Personal Problems
You’re still you whether you choose to overshare at work or not. One can take a defensive stance and say, “Don’t try to tell me not to show it all at work,” or one can lead with intentionality. We’ve all known the person who brings their breakups, car troubles and family dramas to work. Be a leader instead. Select the leadership traits you want to have and bring those to work. You’re still you. - Tammy Kling, OnFire Books
