If we're honest with ourselves, we all experience self-doubt. Self-doubt can take many forms: You may second-guess yourself, display a lack of self-confidence, become defensive or lose ground and assume you're wrong. Ultimately, this can erode or undermine your ability to get ahead, make a difference and increase your chances for promotion.
In essence, when we doubt ourselves, we become smaller. We start to engage in self-deprecating behavior. As we diminish ourselves, we also diminish our accomplishments. Some of my coaching clients will often start to explain away their achievements by making comments such as, “I was just lucky to get that assignment,” “The only reason I received a great performance rating was because I have a really nice boss,” “I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary” and “I guess people like me.”
Try to recognize that you're not a poster child for your organization. In other words, leaders may indeed like you; however, you'll be evaluated based on your contribution. When you project high self-esteem, it's an attractive commodity. It implies that you can make things happen. Colleagues and direct reports will be more likely to want to be part of your orbit.
I recall one executive saying that one of his direct reports who very much wanted to get ahead never chose the empty seat beside him. She elected to sit somewhere else in the room. She was my coaching client, and I asked her why she selected a seat that wasn't in close proximity to this senior leader. Her reply: “I was leaving the seat for someone more important." Her body language and actions conveyed that she questioned her own value.
Sometimes my clients will remark that some of their peers are brighter or more innovative. All that might be true, but when you start to compare yourself to others, that’s when you can negate your own achievements. That’s when you may start to believe you shouldn’t be in the room. This then can erode your willingness to have a voice or convey your views with gravitas.
To be successful, you may have to be able to sell your ideas. If you cannot promote your thoughts in a self-assured manner, then you will likely have trouble getting others to buy into your plan or recommendations.
Fortunately, if you're plagued with self-doubt, there are strategies to stop your diminishing behavior. When you believe in yourself, others will be more likely to bet on you. Here are some tips for shifting your mindset:
• Own your achievements. First off, think about your past achievements. They're almost never due to luck. You worked hard and paid your dues. Don't explain away your success by attributing it to external variables such as the right time, the right place or any other extraneous factors. You earned your success.
• Recognize your transferable smarts. I tell my clients that they weren't smart only once or just in the past. Their cognitive skills, problem-solving abilities and all the factors that have allowed them to be successful are transferable to their next position or assignment. Those who selected you for your new project or role see that. So you should too.
• Quit being humble. Don't stay on the sidelines. Not everybody is out to get ahead, but most leaders are. Sure, teamwork is important. You, though, may need to be noisy. If you keep your head down, you'll likely be invisible. You'll likely be forgotten. Aim to be memorable. If you adopt an aw-shucks attitude, people around you may see you as small. Stand tall, and declare your position; make some noise, and declare your views with conviction.
• Know that geniuses are few and far between. Some of your pals may be smarter than you. So what? Smartness comes in many forms. There's cerebral smart, and there's also emotionally smart. Find your niche, and play to the kind of smart you are. This way, you'll be more comfortable and able to showcase your contribution.
• Change your body language. The seat at the table is yours. You're not a visitor, nor are you renting space. Try to have these elements in your body language: great posture, good eye contact and confidence. When you're challenged, stay in the arena and present a strong business case.
Here’s the good news: Most organizations aren't really benevolent. If you're a valued member, you usually get to stay, and if you're a star, you often get to advance. One of the kindest things you can do for yourself is to recognize that self-doubt can be defeating and can limit your true capabilities. Get rid of that negative self-focus, and walk into a room with the belief that you deserve to be there as much as anyone else does.
Take charge. Be visible. Behave like an A-player, and others will treat you like an A-player.
