Dr. Rakish Rana (The Clear Coach) is a life coach who challenges, encourages and supports clients to find direction, happiness and purpose.
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Watching the success of others isn't always easy. Sometimes it magnifies what we perceive to be our own deficiencies and weaknesses. The proliferation of social media in our lives, where people consciously curate their posts to show only the highlights, has exacerbated this behavior.
All of us, no matter our own levels of success, are susceptible to this feeling. Think of all the times you asked yourself why someone else seems luckier than you or why things never seem to go your way. It's easy to believe that these things are out of our control. In fact, we've been socialized to think that our emotions and experiences are completely at the mercy of the world around us.
The truth, however, is that our beliefs are the result of a process that begins within us. Once we adopt this mindset, we are better equipped to drive away the negative thoughts that don't serve us—and likely aren't true to begin with.
Here are some strategies I adhere to when I'm dealing with negative thoughts.
1. Breathwork
If you're in a bad mood or feeling anxious, try taking deeper, fuller breaths. Deep breathing exercises, such as box breathing, might help you relax and calm down. Reduce tension and relax your nervous system by counting to four as you breathe in and out. The practice of taking slower, longer breaths can influence your physiology and consequently your behavior.
2. Language
What we give our attention grows, and the language we use greatly influences the actions we take. Therefore, rephrasing unproductive statements into more optimistic ones can reframe our perspective. For example, "Everything is going wrong for me." can be reworded to "Things seem to be going poorly at the moment, but they can get better." This gives you the space to acknowledge your negative thoughts while reminding yourself that it's a temporary feeling.
You’d also be surprised by how easily adding the word "yet" to a negative statement will completely transform your thoughts about it. Going from “I don’t have the abilities to grow this business” to “I don’t have the abilities to grow this business yet” helps you realize your potential and gives you a jumping-off point for planning next steps.
3. Posture
In Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges, psychologist Amy Cuddy wrote, "When our body language is confident and open, other people respond in kind, unconsciously reinforcing not only their perception of us but also our perception of ourselves." Sitting slouched with one's head drooping can exacerbate the negative, unhelpful thoughts you're having. To encourage more optimistic thinking and actions, try sitting up straight with your shoulders back and your head held high. It's also helpful to engage in some light physical activity, like going for a walk outside or stretching.
4. Gratitude
Don't forget to be grateful for what you have. No matter your negative thoughts, there's always something you can take comfort in about life, even if it's small. So it's important to recognize your good fortune. Create a list of everything that defines you. Celebrate your skills and capabilities, especially the unique things you bring to the table. Soon, you'll be using all these positives as self-affirming mantras.
These are just some of the positive behaviors I practice. I know people who like to write, help others or shake things up as ways to combat negative thoughts. No matter what strategy you choose, with time and practice, you can have a more generally positive outlook on life. If you're still struggling, remember that the only people you should compare yourself to are your own past selves. That will help you see how far you've come, and that will push you to be the greatest you that you can be.
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