When you think of addiction, you probably think of drugs and alcohol. However, you can be addicted to anything. Addiction is being compulsively or physiologically dependent on something habit-forming. Do you know what most of us are addicted to? Being busy. Busy is habit-forming. People pride themselves on being busy, but busyness is an addiction that needs to be cured.
The first step with any addiction is to admit it and own it. A few years ago, I was able to acknowledge my addiction. I realized I had a problem when someone simply said to me: “You know, you do not have to do all this. You bring it on yourself.” I found myself pondering that thought. It was not the first time I heard something along those lines, but it was the first time it really hit home. I realized, no matter what I do, whether it is volunteer work, doing something for my family or something job-related, I tended to do more than necessary. In some ways that is a good trait, but as with most strengths, it can become a weakness.
Most people tie their self-worth to what they accomplish. When people ask us how things are going, our first instinct is to say that we are busy. If you are not busy, it may seem that you are not doing anything interesting. We believe that when we appear busy we are successful and important. Especially at work, people often find it necessary to look busy. If you do not look busy, you must not be doing anything worthwhile.
As with any addiction, I used busy as a distraction or a way to avoid something I did not want to deal with. If there was something I did not want to do, I would focus more on other areas in my life so I would be too busy for anything else. This caused a bad cycle of never feeling fully satisfied.
Your addiction to being busy also impacts those around you. With the need to be busy, you may create a negative environment for those you work with or even your close friends and family. At work, you can create a space where everyone is under stress because your colleagues may feel the need to keep up with you and overwork themselves so they do not feel behind. And when it comes to your personal relationships, being busy can take a huge toll. When you are too busy to spend time with your friends and family, they can feel neglected. It is important to put things in perspective. What is more important — keeping a busy schedule or being able to spend time with loved ones?
Yes, there are seasons of busyness, but you do not have to be in a constant state of busy. Being busy when you do not have to be will only drain your energy and cause you not to be your best self. It is important to know when to take a step back and to know that it is OK to slow down.
In order to cope with my busy addiction, I found the following to be helpful:
• Reflect on why you need to be busy.
• Observe what you are doing to be busy, make notes about it and determine if it is an activity or behavior you want to continue.
• What is being fulfilled inside of you by being busy?
• What is missing or what are you avoiding by being busy?
• Set a goal that reflects valuing and feeling important without being busy -- i.e., spend an hour having a conversation that has nothing to do with work or read a book for fun. Only set one goal and master it — any more and you are digressing back to being busy.
• Create accountability by telling someone you trust what you are doing. Give them your goal and permission to hold you accountable.
These are guidelines I follow to help slow down and step away from busyness. If you've found yourself addicted to being busy, I hope they'll help you, too.
