Dr. Gregory Stebbins is the Founder and Master Coach at PeopleSavvy. He is a member of the American Psychological Association.
getty
Imagine for a moment that you work with a leader who uses empathy and compassion with all of their direct reports. You enjoy working with them daily and look forward to your job. Your co-workers have expressed the same. Leading from wisdom, this leader guides and directs everyone toward success.
There are many forms of wisdom: wise decisions, wise leadership, etc. In her book The Corner of Fourth and Nondual, Cynthia Bourgeault says, “Wisdom, like water, is itself clear and formless, but it necessarily assumes the shape and coloration of the container in which it is captured.”
As organizations struggle to find a response to the Great Resignation, many are also finding that their most committed employees are being recruited. Toxic cultures have been identified as a critical issue contributing to the loss of employees.
More humanistic cultures are seen as a straightforward solution. Humanizing the culture means unifying it in a way that cultivates rather than obstructs human potential.
One humanistic approach is to ensure that the organization’s culture is caring. Marcus Buckingham suggests (registration required) that the organization design work that people will love. In a Harvard Business Review video (registration required), Buckingham also talks about why “love” is the key to career success.
Leadership is at the forefront of influencing an organization’s culture. Many suggestions that focus on what to do are the opposite of collected wisdom traditions. These suggestions focus more on how leaders manage and control employees.
Gandhi suggested a different approach that's been popularized in the saying, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” A leader’s heart is at the center of inner wisdom, specifically self-empathy and self-compassion aligned with loving consciousness. Starting with yourself first provides the experience to understand and guide others more deeply.
Self-Empathy
Self-empathy and self-compassion are different. Self-empathy asks you to observe, become aware and understand how you treat yourself. If you judge yourself regarding leadership skills and talents, values, organizational relationships and accomplishments, you are not being self-empathic. This may include any self-talk that has become unconscious. The focus is for you to reconnect to these unconscious parts. You do this with warmth while suspending any self-judgment. Both laughter and tears can be expressions of self-empathy.
As Helen Riess says in The Empathy Effect, “To truly practice self-empathy to its fullest, you must be willing to use it even when you trip over your own feet and make mistakes that leave you feeling embarrassed or wishing you had stayed home. It is an exercise in humility that requires acknowledging that you are human and fallible.”
Self-Compassion
Compassion means “to suffer together.” Compassion influences people to go out of their way to relieve the physical, mental or emotional pains of others. Some qualities of compassion are patience, kindness and warmth.
Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer have identified three activities that obstruct self-compassion: self-criticism, self-isolation and self-absorption. Many leaders can offer compassion toward employees but find it challenging to be self-compassionate. Leaders often feel that they need to be self-critical to motivate themselves.
Practicing self-compassion helps you handle your struggles. It is also the first step in learning how to connect with the suffering of those around you. This is an essential part of leadership. In this self-compassion, you find the strength to light your path through your darkest nights. In summary, you are turning understanding and acceptance inward.
Jack Kornfield said, “Be gentle with yourself—it should not be a struggle. Know your limitations. Extend your compassion only as far as you feel your heart opening naturally. Plant your seed of trust. It will grow in its season.”
Loving
Love is not imaginary speculation but rather emerges from within us. Love radiates from your essence (soul), and we source it through the depth of our being. It is not merely a reactive emotion that eventually wears off.
The ego-self is narcissistic, mindlessly driven and constricted. The "essence self" is inspired, outrageously loving and abundant. The move from ordinary love to divine love is precisely the movement from ego to essence.
Self-loving is one of the most challenging parts of developing the wisdom of the heart. A leader needs to move deeper beyond the narcissistic habits of self-absorption. Moving first to authentic self-love offers the experience of caring for the people we lead. Colleen Reilly proposes (paywall) that there is even a place for unconditional love in organizations.
As Fred Rogers of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood said, “Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” Are you prepared to do the same with yourself?
Now imagine that you have practiced these simple tools, found in the wisdom of the heart, and you are the leader mentioned in the first paragraph of this article.
Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches. Do I qualify?
