Bosses who want to become good friends with every teammate they manage and make everything seem more fun at work may find they have a difficult time setting clear expectations, much less getting people to meet them. While that’s clearly not a wise way to lead a team, most bosses do want to establish friendly relationships with people without losing the respect that being a leader requires.
The line between executive leader and friendly team member can be a fine one that is notoriously challenging to walk, but the best leaders know how to maintain their balance and make it happen. Here, 15 members of Forbes Coaches Council discuss various ways for newly hired executives to be seen as “the boss” while still making friends with the people who work on their teams.
Forbes Coaches Council members share ways a new executive can be seen as "the boss" while still making friends.
Photos courtesy of the individual members.1. Be Kind And Compassionate
Focus on being a good boss first. Your job is to inspire and lead people toward a collective outcome. How you do that is dependent on your leadership style, but being kind and compassionate should be a nonnegotiable here. If you lead from your heart, the people on your team will notice. So, focus on the job you’ve been hired into and know that personal relationships will naturally develop over time. - Josephine Kant, Google for Startups
2. Listen More, Observe And Ask Questions
Listen more! As a newly hired executive, gaining the buy-in of your new team within your first 90 days is critical. The best way to do that is by listening more, observing and asking questions. It is not so much about making friends, but rather about gaining respect by first giving respect. - Megan Martin, Conquer Consulting
3. Focus More On Being A Good Teammate
Worry less about being the boss and more about being a good teammate. All teammates have roles on the team—you may be responsible for executing, or you may be responsible for providing guidance and direction, and both are important. If you are a good teammate, you don’t have to worry about being the boss, and people will want to be friends with you because we all like good teammates. - JC Glick, Prodromos Leadership
4. Get To Know Your Employees
Take the time to get to know your employees. What are they working on? What do they enjoy doing? What do they wish they could do more of or less of? And then, take what they share and incorporate it into your strategy and vision. It shows your employees that you heard what they said and shows them where you want to lead them. - Kristy Busija, Next Conversation Coaching, LLC
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5. Be Authentic And Unscripted
It’s essential to be authentic and unscripted. Let go of all roles—the “boss,” being “friends”—and just deal with what is real. Ask the following questions: “Why am I here? Why are you here? Where are we aligned? Where are we now? Where could we go?” To allow the above questions to land well, creating safety and trust is essential. - Julian Saipe, Julian Alexander & Associates
6. Avoid Overly Personal Conversations
There’s a thin line between “colleague” and “friend.” The executive should develop professional relationships with the team while carefully navigating the line of demarcation between personal and professional, such as avoiding intimate conversations, off-the-record business information sharing and the urge to “get the inside scoop” about others in the organization. - Deborah Hightower, Deborah Hightower, Inc.
7. Enlist The Team’s Help In Your Induction
Humans like to be asked for help—it makes them feel needed and powerful. Enlisting the help of your team in onboarding you and getting you up to speed is one of the best ways to earn trust with a new team. - Corrie Block, Paragon Consulting FZE
8. Be More ‘Interested’ Than ‘Interesting’
In my opinion, the most powerful way a new manager can be taken seriously and begin to build trust is to be more “interested” than “interesting.” The notion of asking more questions and being genuinely interested in the answers creates an instant connection, particularly once the manager has described their vision for the team organization. - Michele Davenport, MOSAIC COACHING SOLUTIONS
9. Share Your Personal Leadership Philosophy
To be an effective leader it is important to develop and share a personal leadership philosophy with team members. This statement should help others understand the leadership style, define core values and guiding principles, and lay out behavior expectations that drive the team culture, engagement and productivity while also explaining key beliefs for maximizing excellence and achieving business results. - Lori Harris, Harris Whitesell Consulting
10. Have An Honest Dialogue And Share Expectations
Being a newly hired executive can be very difficult, as it may require you to transition from peer to boss. Having an honest, open dialogue at the front end will enhance trust and facilitate the transition into the new relationship. Acknowledge that your role has changed and agree on how you can both be successful. Share mutual expectations, agree on frequency of one-on-ones, goal setting, performance measures and so on. - Kim Ramsey, The Executive Edge, Inc.
11. Focus On Being Relatable And Connected
Being relatable and connected should be the goals for the newly hired executive. These dimensions are more critical than friendship, which will develop over time. While most people like to be liked and to be friends with their colleagues, the shadow side of an overemphasis on friendship is that it can cloud the objective judgment and effectiveness of the leader. - Evan Roth, Roth Consultancy International, LLC.
12. Show Respect And Demonstrate Humanity
Treating people with respect and knowing what is important to them at work and outside of work is appreciated by employees. Sharing parts of yourself—both the successes and challenges—demonstrates your humanity. That has nothing to do with setting clear expectations, coaching toward them, holding people accountable for those and rewarding success. Both, if done well, will lead to successful relationships. - Kimberly Janson, Janson Associates, LLC
13. Remember The ‘Three-Legged Stool’ Of Leader Communication
Remember that you are always on. Develop muscle memory of the “three-legged stool” of leader communication: One, what you say matters. Two, how you say it is equally important. And three, what you look like pulls the package together. With this, your communication stands solid as you begin and develop all relationships. - Cara Heilmann, International Association of Career Coaches
14. Have A Leadership Assimilation ‘Fireside Chat’
Ask a direct report, HR rep or a coach/consultant to facilitate a leadership assimilation talk with your team in a “fireside chat” style. Let your team ask questions at the end. They will ask questions that allow you to be open and visionary about personal and professional topics, such as your upbringing, hobbies, leadership style and team direction. Then, in one-on-ones, get to know them in a similar way. - Bonnie Davis, HuWork - Inspiring Humans at Work
15. Have Coffee Breaks With Direct Reports
Individual, 30-minute coffee/tea meetings act to position you as a human with direct reports. Including a warm beverage is a plus, as it positively affects our neurochemistry. Asking about what each employee is proud of in their work and/or life and seeking the employee’s vision about one thing that could change at work to make it a better environment will ensconce the boss in their new leadership role. - Deborah Goldstein, DRIVEN Professionals
