Melinda Fouts, Ph.D., of Success Starts With You, author of Cognitive Enlightenment and awarded Top International Coach 2020 by the IAOTP.
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The other day, one of my clients asked me, "What is the most important quality for a leader to possess to be an influential leader?" Well, if you read articles on this subject, the opinions vary: be transformational; be humble; be competent. My client was sincere in his question as he felt he was not doing a good job of having an influence on his leadership team. While all the articles touch on various qualities, I felt he was looking for something he had not come across in his research.
When broached with such a compelling question, I think back upon all the clients I have had the pleasure to coach. Back in my days as a psychotherapist, when asked what I specialized in, I thought through all my clients and their issues and realized there was one common denominator—fear. To answer the question, I said, “I specialize in fear.” The response was, “Then everyone needs you!” It was that day when I realized there is a common denominator in the work I do when asked certain global questions. Here is what I explored with my client that day.
I asked him, “What is the most charismatic quality anyone can possess?” He offered several different answers but as always with my clients, he knew it was not the answer I was hoping to hear. Finally, I told him: confidence. Confidence is the most charismatic quality anyone can have. Confidence is attractive like bees to flowers. It is instinctual in them as well as in us. When someone has high self-confidence, people are attracted to them because they desire to possess this highly confident inner nature. The attraction to highly self-confident people is because it is a desirable characteristic many people lack. This is why we are attracted to these individuals. A high level of confidence is attractive and gives you influence over others. This quality is like a spell, drawing people to you, willing to follow your leadership. Unbeknownst to them, what they are drawn to is your self-confidence.
The highly confident are people-focused, interested in others and service-oriented to the improvement of others as they have attained this level of confidence. They want others to relish in and delight in being the best they can be. Being the best you can be is feeling fully alive, which often derives from a high level of self-confidence. And highly self-confident individuals want this for you. When you are this person, you are always performing at your best.
One thing to be wary of is someone who is overly confident, which is not the same as being self-confident. Overly confident is a defense of not truly being confident. These individuals come off as phony, overselling and insincere.
Another quality truly self-confident individuals possess is enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is contagious and is also a component of emotional intelligence. Enthusiasm, by its contagious nature, is influential.
The last quality I want to mention is trust and respect. A healthy relationship is built upon a high level of trust and respect. It is the foundation to handle conflict by creating a safety net to work through it. Influencing others will not happen if they do not trust you. Trust is built by showing sincere interest in your team, which comes from empathy. One of the articles on being an influential leader was about having high emotional intelligence. Empathy is a key competency in emotional intelligence. It is a way to show you care and understand what another is experiencing. You can do this through reflective listening. Being heard is so important—especially when someone is struggling. And so the final quality of being an influential leader is being a good listener.
To summarize, in order to be an influential leader, you should be charismatically self-confident, empathetic, enthusiastic and a good listener. By doing these four things, you can build trust and respect, which are the foundation of being an influential leader.
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