We all have a voice in our head. That voice keeps us focused or distracted, makes us happy or sad, and is helpful or harmful to our progress in life. This thought-chatter can be barely noticeable or highly distractive. Sometimes we have a song that we can’t get out of our minds or a fragment of a conversation that we loop over and over.
This is one of the reasons we hear so much about the power of meditation. While emptying our minds or trying to focus on something else can be helpful, it might be essential to listen to what that voice tells us. Do you have issues with poor mindset, judgment, fear of failure and a need for perfection, or have you created a monologue that refuses to allow you to see things from other people’s perspectives? By focusing on what we tell ourselves, we can improve our curiosity, self-control, empathy and a host of other factors that hold us back from achieving our full potential.
Carol Dweck’s research determined that individuals can have a fixed or growth mindset. What impacts whether people believe they could grow and learn is based on what they tell themselves in their heads. If they think they cannot improve, they don't try.
As the saying goes, "Whether you believe you can or you can’t, you are right." If we constantly tell ourselves that we were not born to be good at something or it is not worth our time because we are not as gifted as someone else, that keeps us from trying.
That voice we hear in our heads at work can include worries about appearing incompetent, feeling judged, not meeting a need for perfection, or letting other people down. We all have been in meetings where we think of a great question to ask but fear the ramifications of asking it. So, we lean next to the guy beside us and say, “Hey, Bob, why don’t you ask …” It’s better if Bob looks like an idiot, right?
The problem is that if we don’t know the answer to something, chances are, many others do not as well. Everyone’s little voice is going off in their heads just as ours goes off. The next time you are in a meeting, look around and ask yourself what the people around you might be telling themselves.
No one likes to be judged or look imperfect. We tell ourselves that failure is not an option. Judgment holds us back from exploration, which keeps us in the status quo. That can be the death of an organization. When people do not grow, when we fail to introduce new ideas, when we don’t question the status quo, it harms innovation and engagement. Notice if everyone in the room agrees with everything without question. If that occurs, that can be a sign that everyone’s assumptions have limited their potential.
Spend some time listening to that voice. Is it friendly? Is it accusatory? Is it limiting? What can you learn about what your voice tells you about you and other people? If it keeps you from asking questions and learning about others, it could be impacting your emotional intelligence, especially the ability to develop empathy. When we recognize that our perception is only our reality and not everyone else’s, that is a big step to making progress.
Set an alarm for different times of the day to check in to see what your mind is up to at different times and in different situations. Start by writing down some of the negative things you tell yourself and create an action plan for ways to overcome those thoughts. It is easier to silence those negative voices if we recognize them and replace them with positive thoughts.
