Emotional Intelligence Executive Master Coach at InLight Coaching. Let EI enhance your career and relationships with EQi-2/360® Assessments.
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Viktor Frankl, the noted neurologist and psychologist, said, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” So I want to encourage you to take the time to make that happen, to choose your attitude and your “own way,” and generally avoid snap or impulsive choices. The importance of this is made apparent by the fact that subconsciously we can create barriers to reaching the best version of ourselves. We create those obstacles by being impulsive and reactive and by ignoring what we can learn by using our emotional intelligence skills.
With that in mind, this article is about the short, maybe even very short, hesitation between receiving data and acting on that data, during which you have the chance to identify, label and decode your emotions and the feelings emanating from them.
Decoding your emotions will facilitate your emotional regulation so that you can better predict the stressors and respond to the triggers that cause you to act in ways that are out of sync with your goals and values. With practice, decoding your emotions can become a regular part of your arsenal of tools to make you happier and keep you more in line with your highest values and identified purpose.
The decoding process starts with understanding exactly what emotions and feelings are and how they work. Then, you need at least a rudimentary appreciation of how emotions and feelings interrelate, including recognition of their features, purpose, intensity and relationship to driving thoughts. I know this is a lot to consider regarding just one emotional experience. However, there are no shortcuts! This important and necessary step can close the gap in understanding how to decode your emotions instead of allowing them to overwhelm your thoughts without your considered participation (i.e., awareness of their meaning and significance).
Case Study: Decoding Feelings Of Sadness
For example, to demonstrate how this actually works, let’s consider the following attributes of the emotion of sadness:
Its Features
Not pleasant, steals our time, keeps us going in circles, prevents us from being present, demonstrates a lack of progress
Its Purpose
To remind us of what is important, to connect us with those we love, to invite introspection, to recognize change and the need for change
Its Emotional Intensity
A wide range, from slightly unhappy to deep depression or grief
Its Driving Thoughts
“I am nothing” or “I feel empty because of the loss of someone or something important”
Its Limiting Purpose
Reliving the past, experiencing the loss of meaning or purpose, resisting change, losing motivation
Its Redirected, Resourceful Purpose
Accepting reality, starting to live in the present, asking for help, developing flexibility and adaptability to change, cultivating resilience and connecting to gratitude
As you see, often a stimulus acts as a reminder of a past difficulty or anticipation of a possible future event. This reminder can keep us in the past or the future rather than moving forward in the present. While there is no panacea, understanding the messages in our emotions has been demonstrated to not only deal with the emotion of sadness but also the other emotions that might at one time or another cloud your life.
Steps To Decoding Emotions
Decoding emotions requires purposeful consideration and practice. Here are 11 specific steps to take to decode the messages from your emotions:
1. Single out a specific event to which you responded with intense feelings.
2. Make sure you are in the present, and be aware of your current feelings, emotions and thoughts.
3. Label your feelings and connect them to their root emotions.
4. Identify the location of the root emotions in your body. Feel and connect with these emotions in your body for a few minutes.
5. Name the main judgmental thought or trigger that created your response to whatever event that acted as a trigger.
6. Learn to use your prefrontal cortex to generate alternative meanings and learning opportunities instead of impulsively reacting to triggers.
7. Evaluate how each alternative meaning for the event makes you feel and acts as a remedy.
8. Choose the most attractive remedy. Make your choice based on the most positive feelings and their root emotions.
9. Stay connected to this emotion in your body.
10. Create an action plan based on your choice. Feel proud of yourself for being present and using your emotional regulation skills.
11. Reflect on what you have accomplished as you stepped into your own power as a human being who lives in alignment with his or her values and purpose without limiting constraints in the form of intense emotions and inability to understand their calls to action.
When we are hijacked by intense emotions and, as a result, feel stuck in a mindset that isn’t serving us, decoding our emotions and using our cognitive agility can help us pivot. By recognizing how shifting our thoughts can also shift our feelings, we can drive powerful changes in our actions and, ultimately, achieve desired outcomes instead of unintended ones. Thus, learning to decode our emotions and redirecting our impulsive and non-rewarding thoughts can lead to more effective thinking and better decisions overall.
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