CEO beCause Global Consulting connects: individuals & enterprises to core purpose; across silos in organizations; with external stakeholders.
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Do you feel that having deeply engaged relationships makes your life better? Do you also feel that there are people who make having such bonds difficult, like a boss who doesn’t want any input from you or a relative who holds onto a grudge? And, despite your best intentions, how many times have you yourself been the reason for not being well-connected?
We live in a time of great polarization on every level from personal to professional to societal. I buoy myself by remembering that there have always been strains of hope even at the most vitriolically dividing instances of “us vs. them.” With a lack of understanding among people of differing backgrounds and privileges, social movements are driven by a demand to be seen, heard, cared about and treated as equal. These are common needs for most of us.
The same dynamic plays out in our enterprises: top executives, senior management, teams and different business lines not having a sense of being understood, or even listened to, by each other. Conflict in relationships with external stakeholders such as suppliers, vendors or clients ― even those we choose ― can be equally challenging. They are even more arduous with adversaries like government regulators or social watch-dog organizations. If you’re in one of the latter groups, you may view businesses as your opponent. Wherever you stand, it’s vital to learn how to bridge these divides as our world is profoundly interconnected. Bridging divides only seems impossible until we make it possible.
Attending Nelson Mandela’s inauguration as a guest of state, I wrote, “It is difficult to pinpoint the moment of most profound recognition of this remarkable historic global event. It is an affirmation that human beings are at core good and loving and that light always does triumph, despite horrible darkness and evil. Perhaps it was watching Mandela with his hand over his heart as first we sang Nkosi Sikelel iAfrica / God Bless Africa, which until recently was the banned Black African national anthem…and then…keeping his hand over his heart as we sang Die Stem van Sud-Afrika / The Call of South Africa, which until today was the Afrikaner national anthem. Along with the new flag, which melds every color of every flag of every party ― both songs are now a co-national anthem.”
We marvel at how many ways we can connect via smartphones, social networks and Zoom, but long before we were hyper-connected, there were human beings who championed connectedness. 50 years ago, as a student, I was riveted by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s message of creating a “Beloved Community.” Decades later, I had the honor to work with Nelson Mandela, revering him for seeking reconciliation among former enemies. We can learn much from King and Mandela, but it would be defeatist to think we must be extraordinary like them to be form engaged relationships. As leaders, we can follow and implement four core principles of connectedness in our own lives.
Be honest and clear.
To start, you must be transparent and clear about each potential partner’s goals and objectives: exactly what they genuinely are willing to put into your work together and exactly what they justly expect to get out of it. This seems so obvious but I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen collaborations fail simply because people weren’t explicit with each other ― or even themselves ― about their expectations.
Go beyond territorial positions.
Find and mobilize those who see a larger picture. Ideas and relationships are not finite. When shared, no one is diminished; everyone is enhanced. Those who are committed to protecting their fiefdom at all costs will not help you form engaged relationships. Avoid the defensive mentality, “I gain my power by depriving you.” It’s not a zero-sum game: It’s only together that we can achieve ambitious goals.
Offer ongoing nurturing.
Engagement is not a one-shot deal: it requires ongoing caretaking. Even in our most intimate relationships, we can forget why we initially chose to connect. There’ll be moments when each stakeholder will be ready to walk away. When there’s a breakdown, you must step forward, own it and do what’s needed to regain the ruptured trust. It’s an iterative process of rebuilding bonds over and over again.
Reveal your humanity.
While we come from different countries, different cultures, different regions, different perspectives and different ideologies, as human beings, most of us share incredibly simple concerns. We all want our families to be healthy and happy and our communities and nations to be safe. To sustain dialogue with people who may seem completely different from you and who you might disagree with, you have to show up with your whole self.
Indeed, your humanness ― with all your many shortcomings revealed alongside your strengths ― allows you to experience that you don’t have to be perfect to succeed at deeply engaging others, or at anything else. We’re all human after all: none of us is perfect.
What’s truly interesting to me is that beyond all the many logic-based benefits, of which there are many, our basic shared humanity is absolutely what makes efforts to turn adversaries into allies actually work. This is where the fundamental insights of King and Mandela play out in our efforts to be engagement leaders.
It boils down to the same fundamental, common-sense, four-pronged approach: be honest and clear, go beyond territorial positions, offer ongoing nurturing and reveal your humanity. We know these things to be true ― if not consciously, then somewhere in our deeper selves. And yet, how many of us truly invest the time and energy to commit to engaged relationships that are challenging?
Think about Nelson Mandela. After 27 brutal years in prison, he emerged as a fervent advocate of engaging with the very people and institutions that had oppressed him. So, if arch-enemies can find a way to engage with each other, what’s stopping you?
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